If you’re a woman and married someone from a lower socioeconomic class

[Anonymous]

And who earns less than you, how did it go?

[Anonymous]

We got divorced. It wasn't so much about the money as it was the drive/ambition/motivation. And I'm not talking about some sort of ambition to be a millionaire, I mean that he wanted a dog and then wouldn't take care of it so I was the one walking the dog every day. (I also wanted the dog but thought it was going to be a shared responsibility). The lack of earning (and caring) was more an indication of the problem than the actual problem. Luckily I saw the light after the dog and left before we had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else? Specifically UMC vs MC but interested in all replies about these kinds of gaps.

[Anonymous]

I did. He still out earns me but it’s a niche field and he is probably topped out due to his personality.

I have the more prestigious job and 100% of the social contacts, do all the kid stuff, as you’d expect.

It did come down to his utter lack of agency and drive. He could NOT handle how successful I became and how successful our (now, only my) friends are and he basically got mad and stomped off to have an affair. No one knew he felt this way until the divorce. He bottled it all up I guess for a long time.

When we were younger it was ok. Living in the DMV has been great for me and my kids, but over time he could not handle it.

That may come down to socio. He figured a paycheck was enough and he was the star for the rest of his life.

Not around here, sorry. We’re all nobody and I’ll take it!

[Anonymous]

Both my sister and DH's sister did. Neither seems to care and are happy. I'm baffled because they're both living a lower standard of living than they were raised. Both have unambitious husbands who aren't as smart as them, which is a giant turn off to me but apparently not to them. They live in our hometown, which makes finances not as stressful as the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Friend of mine did this and they got divorced after 2-3 years.

Then she did this again...and they've been happily married for 15 years and have a child together. He was a stay-at-home dad for a while.

[Anonymous]

Swimmingly. He works his ass off at everything he does, he loves reading and learning new things, he can get along with anyone and all around I think marrying him was one of the best decisions of my life.

[Anonymous]

A couple friend has a high-powered BigLaw partner woman married to musician man.

The guy is actually known in the music world and is often hired for studio sessions with famous musicians/groups.

It works because while he doesn't make a ton of $$$s, he does stay busy and he is far "cooler" than she is. She has been to the Grammy awards several times and partied with famous people...she readily admits this is all from him and she never would have been able to play in that world.

I think she views him as equal status, even though the $$$ differential is massive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple friend has a high-powered BigLaw partner woman married to musician man.

The guy is actually known in the music world and is often hired for studio sessions with famous musicians/groups.

It works because while he doesn't make a ton of $$$s, he does stay busy and he is far "cooler" than she is. She has been to the Grammy awards several times and partied with famous people...she readily admits this is all from him and she never would have been able to play in that world.

I think she views him as equal status, even though the $$$ differential is massive.

This is very different. This is income difference, not class difference. Her husband is apparently very successful in his world and is probably not threatened by her success in hers.

Someone who is also married to a musician who earns way less than I do.

[Anonymous]

If a man says this he's a horrible human.

Only men will date a women regardless of their job or status. Men will date a woman who works at Burger King as long as she's loyal and brings him peace.

A women needs a man to be rich, handsome, 6'+, fit, blah, blah, blah blah, blah....LOL

[Anonymous]

In womanspeak, this is called dumpster diving.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine did. She's got a graduate degree and a decent career, comes from a college-educated family. Married someone with limited career potential with no college degree. He's a stay-at-home-dad and there's a lot of tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple friend has a high-powered BigLaw partner woman married to musician man.

The guy is actually known in the music world and is often hired for studio sessions with famous musicians/groups.

It works because while he doesn't make a ton of $$$s, he does stay busy and he is far "cooler" than she is. She has been to the Grammy awards several times and partied with famous people...she readily admits this is all from him and she never would have been able to play in that world.

I think she views him as equal status, even though the $$$ differential is massive.

Sort of similar story here. I’m good at writing code so even though I’m not particularly ambitious, I have a FAANG job making >$400k. He’s never made more than $150k or so, but his job is so much more cool and important than mine, he knows all sorts of interesting and noteworthy people from around the world, speaks multiple languages, has operated in lots of conflict zones, and generally commands respect from everyone he meets. He says my job is awesome and he wishes he was smart enough to do it. I’m so glad he doesn’t because I would absolutely die of boredom if I was married to another FAANG software engineer.

[Anonymous]

We eventually got divorced (after more than 20 years together). He had a MC background and I was UMC but we were on similar educational and career paths. It wasn't the small difference in SES that did it. It was because at one point he decided to live off of me and our once-similar paths diverged. That did not work for me because I wanted more of an equal (in terms of career, income, division of labor), as he was when we met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple friend has a high-powered BigLaw partner woman married to musician man.

The guy is actually known in the music world and is often hired for studio sessions with famous musicians/groups.

It works because while he doesn't make a ton of $$$s, he does stay busy and he is far "cooler" than she is. She has been to the Grammy awards several times and partied with famous people...she readily admits this is all from him and she never would have been able to play in that world.

I think she views him as equal status, even though the $$$ differential is massive.

This is very different. This is income difference, not class difference. Her husband is apparently very successful in his world and is probably not threatened by her success in hers.

Someone who is also married to a musician who earns way less than I do.

The guy is from a MC background and never went to college. He has been a hard worker, but it's not like successful musicians generally come from UMC backgrounds or attend college if we are talking about a class difference. For every John Legend (Penn grad that worked for BCG before hitting it big) there are 100 Dave Grohls (dropped out of HS to tour with Scream, worked his ass off into Nirvana...and the rest is history).

They are only now the same class because his famous friends are pretty darn rich and the perks are incredible.