When should someone divorce?

[Anonymous]

Inspired by a related post. When should someone divorce if they have kids?

I am divorced with a kid. As I experience the fallout from divorce I question rather I made the right decision.

The reason I divorced is because exDH and I fought constantly. My existence seemed to just infuriate him. on more than one occasion he hit/choked me in front of our kid (nothing that sent me to the hospital or had visible bruises). Our child never got to see us resolve conflict and I felt defeated. I tried couples and individual counseling. Talking about our issues on made exDH more angry and he would lash out after sessions. I became extremely depressed, literally suicidal. He would say mean things to me so regularly that my kid thought I was trash and I did too.

So what day you Dcmoms was I selfish to divorce? I miss family holidays together. I’m sad that my kid has to pay the economic price. I’m sad my grandkids won’t be born into an in tact family. Maybe I could’ve held it together for a few more years after our kid got older and maybe then things would’ve turned around.

[Anonymous]

Well your kid would probably be in foster care while his dad toys in prison and you are six feet under, if you stayed in that situation. Abuse of that extreme is obviously a reason to divorce.

[Anonymous]

I think choking is one of the top indicators that a partner will eventually murder you.

Lots of people here got divorced for frivolous reasons OP but you are not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Domestic violence=divorce.
You did the right thing. It would have only escalated

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for the trauma you experienced. 100% did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

We can’t get everything we want as far as what we imagined our lives to be - family holidays, comfortable finances, growing old together. And it’s ok to be sad about that. But I know you don’t miss how your ex treated you, and there’s no universe where your kid witnessing those fights is worth any amount of money or family dinners.

[Anonymous]

I would divorce for a whole hell of a lot less than that. Too many women suffer through verbal and emotional abuse as it is. Physical abuse should be an absolutely dealbreaker for anyone.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, OP. I’m proud of you for getting out and doing right by your kid. It must have been really hard to go through all that and I’m sorry you had to.

[Anonymous]

Is this a recent divorce OP? It sounds raw. Everyone reading this can see you made the right choice. I would say the only choice, given his abuse.

I hope you can have some fun times soon with good friends who can remind you of your worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a recent divorce OP? It sounds raw. Everyone reading this can see you made the right choice. I would say the only choice, given his abuse.

I hope you can have some fun times soon with good friends who can remind you of your worth.

OP here. We first separated 3 years ago, so it is not new. But I still ask myself this question from time to time because new consequences of divorce pop up all the time. For instance, I’m grappling with the fact that I’ll only have one child, but would’ve wanted more if I had a healthy marriage. Many of my friendships suffered as a result of divorce. My married friends disappeared or became distant. My child and I hardly get invited to family events by friends anymore. I’ve been kicked out of the married club.

I am working to rebuild a new life though. And I remain myself to be thankful that I no longer live in constant anxiety.

[Anonymous]

The second he physically abused. you was the right time to divorce. Make new friends, new traditions, build a new village. You were absolutely 100% right to divorce. Your child should not grow up thinking it's acceptable to be physically abused or to physically abuse (or even intimidate) a significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would divorce for a whole hell of a lot less than that. Too many women suffer through verbal and emotional abuse as it is. Physical abuse should be an absolutely dealbreaker for anyone.

Agreed. There is no world where everything turns out ok and you are a happy family when your spouse is abusing you. Good for you for getting out, you did what was was best for you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

You wrote that he choked you, OP. That’s extremely dangerous. You absolutely made the right decision to divorce, probably saving your life. Better for your child, better for you.

I’m so sorry that you were treated badly and hope you’re doing okay now.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure that other post referred to marriages without physical violence. Of course you should have divorced. But does your ex-husband have unsupervised visitation with your child? That would be scary

[Anonymous]

OP my father was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive and my mother left him. She wasn’t a very good parent but it was one of the few sensible decisions that she made. An abusive man cannot just be reasoned with, and that was true of my father and it’s true of your ex.

Everything turned out fine for me. If my parents had stayed together that wouldn’t be the case because I doubt my mother would have survived marriage to my father.

Stop looking back and start moving forward in your life.