Rules for MS dating

[Anonymous]

DC has first relationship in 7th grade. Do I institute rules or just see how it plays out? My oldest so new territory for me.

[Anonymous]

I would, at a minimum, communicate your expectation of no sexual activity yet.

[Anonymous]

Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

[Anonymous]

I would set basic rules and talk about sex. My good friend's sons were both sexually active by then. Neither were virgins. Shocking to me -- and her -- but all kids are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

Facilitating with play dates and gifts? I’m confused. This is middle school kids.

My experience is they will date regardless of what you say if they are inclined to do so and they will do it at school if you don’t allow any interaction outside of school. They will put the name of the kid in their contacts as someone else or communicate through a friend. They will meet up with the kid in mixed groups.

My advice with all these things is don’t have steadfast rules. Parent the child you have. If they are dating in middle school I’d rather know about it then be clueless. I would not ever allow any one on one meetups outside of school or at either person’s home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

Facilitating with play dates and gifts? I’m confused. This is middle school kids.

My experience is they will date regardless of what you say if they are inclined to do so and they will do it at school if you don’t allow any interaction outside of school. They will put the name of the kid in their contacts as someone else or communicate through a friend. They will meet up with the kid in mixed groups.

My advice with all these things is don’t have steadfast rules. Parent the child you have. If they are dating in middle school I’d rather know about it then be clueless. I would not ever allow any one on one meetups outside of school or at either person’s home.

Yeah, let your bad kid get away with everything!

And if you have a good one, f- her/him!

[Anonymous]

Be weary of after school activities and clubs. It’s make-out session time.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it's going to be a very tame relationship. The first for both. (I know the parents of the other child.) It seems like sweet/innocent puppy love right now.
I am sort of shocked by these responses. Maybe my thinking is too naïve.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

Facilitating with play dates and gifts? I’m confused. This is middle school kids.

My experience is they will date regardless of what you say if they are inclined to do so and they will do it at school if you don’t allow any interaction outside of school. They will put the name of the kid in their contacts as someone else or communicate through a friend. They will meet up with the kid in mixed groups.

My advice with all these things is don’t have steadfast rules. Parent the child you have. If they are dating in middle school I’d rather know about it then be clueless. I would not ever allow any one on one meetups outside of school or at either person’s home.

Yeah, let your bad kid get away with everything!

And if you have a good one, f- her/him!

Huh? Don't understand this response.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask them what they think are appropriate rules for a 7th grader and use that as a jumping off point. This might be like when a kid asks where they came from and the parent launches into a sex talk and the kid just wanted to know what state they were born in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

Facilitating with play dates and gifts? I’m confused. This is middle school kids.

My experience is they will date regardless of what you say if they are inclined to do so and they will do it at school if you don’t allow any interaction outside of school. They will put the name of the kid in their contacts as someone else or communicate through a friend. They will meet up with the kid in mixed groups.

My advice with all these things is don’t have steadfast rules. Parent the child you have. If they are dating in middle school I’d rather know about it then be clueless. I would not ever allow any one on one meetups outside of school or at either person’s home.

DP

You don’t arrange play dates for your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having had parents who were far too lax and knowing how that worked out, I'd say middle school is not for dating. If you want to go out in mixed groups sure. No boyfriends/girlfriends, I am not facilitating that with playdates and gifts.

You have your whole life ahead of you to date and high school is the appropriate place to do that.

But my teen never wanted to date in MS. Just a few dances where he met a girl there and acted sheepish about it, which is exactly as it should be.

Facilitating with play dates and gifts? I’m confused. This is middle school kids.

My experience is they will date regardless of what you say if they are inclined to do so and they will do it at school if you don’t allow any interaction outside of school. They will put the name of the kid in their contacts as someone else or communicate through a friend. They will meet up with the kid in mixed groups.

My advice with all these things is don’t have steadfast rules. Parent the child you have. If they are dating in middle school I’d rather know about it then be clueless. I would not ever allow any one on one meetups outside of school or at either person’s home.

What's confusing? They wouldn't drive them to and from meet-ups with each other. They wouldn't buy, loan money to buy, or drive him to the mall to buy gifts for the girl. You know, facilitate these things.

[Anonymous]

I would communicate that you reserve the right to spot check texts.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8th grade son who has dated in middle school. It was all pretty tame. I agree that you can say they can't do it and then they'll just do it anyway and you won't have any input on their thinking or know what's going on.

Trust but verify where they are going and who they are with. Monitor the phone if they have one. Lay eyes on the boy or girl. Meet and be in contact with the parents. Find out if they are a younger or older sibling. (The younger siblings are sometimes not as well supervised and often less innocent than firsts or only kids.) Talk to other parents who know the kid if you don't know the kid. Some of the middle school kids are serial daters and yes in those cases, the associated behavior that goes along with dating eventually escalates.

I don't think you're naive OP but also you need to realize that by the end of middle school sometimes there is a lot going on. Not for most of them, but it's happening.