Would it be weird to knock on their door?

[Anonymous]

Not sure which forum to put this in. DD is adopted and AA, we are white. We joined a support group pre Covid that met in person but doesn’t anymore. A few of us with same aged kids continued meeting up and do so now every couple of months, sometimes more. A new family moved in a few months ago a few streets away from us. They clearly have adopted an adopted , maybe 2. Would it be weird for me to knock on the door and see if they want to join us on one of our meet ups? Their kids look a couple years younger than mine but close enough they’d enjoy same/similiar activities.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that would be weird. But you could go over there and generally introduce yourselves and say you have kids of a similar age who may want to hang out. Eventually you could casually mention that they are adopted and you have this group and see if they express interest.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully you aren't planning on leading with, "Hi, your kids are a different color you must have adopted them?"

You need some way to meet them first even accidentally on the street. And see if they bring up adoption. Then you can ask if they'd be interested.

[Anonymous]

Yes I think it’s weird. I also think that you cannot unilaterally decide to invite new people to a support group. It’s got to be a group decision.

[Anonymous]

strange!!!!

[Anonymous]

Do you have a neighborhood listserv? Maybe you could send out a general email about your group and see if they reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it’s weird. I also think that you cannot unilaterally decide to invite new people to a support group. It’s got to be a group decision.

We only meet up at parks and public places like local hikes, we did a museum once too. It’s not an official support group anymore although I call it that. We met at a support group initially started by our adoption agency. They went online during Covid though and never went back to in person. We’ve all been ok with other people with similar families joining us, that’s not the issue. The issue is, whether it’s weird to knock on a strangers door lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a neighborhood listserv? Maybe you could send out a general email about your group and see if they reply.

This would be a great idea, but no we don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it’s weird. I also think that you cannot unilaterally decide to invite new people to a support group. It’s got to be a group decision.

We only meet up at parks and public places like local hikes, we did a museum once too. It’s not an official support group anymore although I call it that. We met at a support group initially started by our adoption agency. They went online during Covid though and never went back to in person. We’ve all been ok with other people with similar families joining us, that’s not the issue. The issue is, whether it’s weird to knock on a strangers door lol.

Ok got it. When you said support group, I took it literally instead of more relaxed. Then that is t a consideration. But I still think it’s awkward to make assumptions and then act on the assumptions. Kids could be from prior relationships. Kids could be foster. Kids could be adopted. No way to tell until you actually know them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it’s weird. I also think that you cannot unilaterally decide to invite new people to a support group. It’s got to be a group decision.

We only meet up at parks and public places like local hikes, we did a museum once too. It’s not an official support group anymore although I call it that. We met at a support group initially started by our adoption agency. They went online during Covid though and never went back to in person. We’ve all been ok with other people with similar families joining us, that’s not the issue. The issue is, whether it’s weird to knock on a strangers door lol.

I'd post on Next Door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a neighborhood listserv? Maybe you could send out a general email about your group and see if they reply.

This would be a great idea, but no we don’t.

Everyone does, Next Door.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your replies. I’m not gonna knock on the door. If I see them out I’ll try and strike up a conversation.

[Anonymous]

If you see them, suggest it but as some one who adopted I’d be very I’d be very uncomfortable with you doing that. My kid would not want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your replies. I’m not gonna knock on the door. If I see them out I’ll try and strike up a conversation.

Great! Please try not to strike up the conversation on the basis that their kids are adopted or of a different race. They may be sensitive about it. The kids might be theirs biologically from a previous marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it’s weird. I also think that you cannot unilaterally decide to invite new people to a support group. It’s got to be a group decision.

We only meet up at parks and public places like local hikes, we did a museum once too. It’s not an official support group anymore although I call it that. We met at a support group initially started by our adoption agency. They went online during Covid though and never went back to in person. We’ve all been ok with other people with similar families joining us, that’s not the issue. The issue is, whether it’s weird to knock on a strangers door lol.

NP and nothing wrong with knocking on a door to introduce yourself. I wouldn't mention the support group at that time. Presumably you will see them from time to time and get to know them and you can mention your child's adoption then and if they want to share back they can.