DD “hates” food

[Anonymous]

My 7 yo DD has grown increasingly picky about food over the last couple years. We’re pescatarian and (unfortunately) stuck to that diet when she was really young, so she won’t even try meat. She started refusing fish around 3, beans/lentils around 4. More recently, has started saying no to most dairy (except ice cream!) and nut butters. She’ll eat tofu, veggie hot dogs, and many fruits/vegetables. She will also have plain pasta and cheese pizza. Basically totally refuses to try anything new. Increasingly, things like hot dog buns, crackers, mini toasts, etc are left uneaten. She will often have at least some dessert, but is leaving that uneaten too.

We are trying very hard not to fight about her diet, but I worry a lot that she’s not eating enough. When we ask her about it — for example in context of meal planning or figuring out her packed lunch — she says she hates food, doesn’t want to eat, nothing tastes good. I cannot remember the last time she said she was hungry. Her pediatrician hasn’t been worried when we’ve raised her picky eating in the past, but it has gotten worse in last 6 months. She seems tired and doesn’t have energy by the end of a soccer game or swim lesson.

Is this normal picky eating? I thought it was when she just complained that she didn’t like certain things, but the “I hate food” has thrown me off. She doesn’t have body image issues at all, so hesitant to label it an eating disorder — but this feels like it’s about more than just the food. Maybe AFRID? Something in me feels like this is psychological and not physical, but maybe I’m overthinking.

[Anonymous]

Is she going to the bathroom regularly? Could it be related to constipation? Also wondering if she could have allergies. My kid says things are gross and eats much less when he is stuffed up or even has “thick saliva” due to allergies. Things just don’t taste good.

[Anonymous]

Normal.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to her pediatrician again. Write down the things that have changed, and an approximate timeline as well. If her weight is concerning to you, try to have that conversation out of earshot (everyone is sensitive to weight talk), but also have a reason why it's concerning - if she's on her growth curve the pediatrician may not be concerned but that doesn't mean you aren't, and you're allowed to voice that.

[Anonymous]

Tonight is bottoms up

[Anonymous]

OP, my 6 yr old is very similar. And we aren't vegetarian or pescatarian, we eat meat and a wide range of foods. So I wouldn't blame yourself for this. Some kids are just like this.

We have suspected ARFID but DD currently does not meet the threshold for it according to our pediatrician. We will discuss it again this summer. DD continues to grow and gain weight, and generally has a pretty high energy level. She's not huge athletic and is genetically predisposed to be on the small side. But pediatrician has looked closely at her growth numbers and there's no indication of a failure to thrive issue.

I suspect it is a sensory issue, and there are other signs of a sensory processing disorder (high physical and auditory sensitivity as well). We are also exploring this and the potential therapies.

But here is what has worked for us on the food front, in case it is of some use to you:

- Regarding the protein-rich and fatty foods you may worry she's missing, try as many different preparations as you can to see if there is even one she will like. For instance, my DD will not eat most beans/lentils except refried beans (it is a texture and flavor issue). She also will only eat softer, spreadable cheeses, like goat/brie, as opposed to slicing cheeses like cheddar. Also she won't eat eggs on their own but has no problem with eggs added to pancakes and breads, which can boost the protein/fat content of these items. So we do that often.

- Involve her in cooking. As often as we can, we have DD come and cook with us. She can actually cook a lot of her preferred foods on her own at this point, with some supervision. Make it fun -- get her her own apron, safety gloves for chopping, and the silicon cutting knives for kids. To the degree it is safe, really encourage her to do as much of the prep as she can. Seeing how the food comes together and what ingredients go into things has helped make my DD more enthusiastic about food. If you are worried about this approach, start with baking which kids often find more accessible, and then grow it from there.

- While not ideal, supplements are necessary for picky kids. We do a daily vitamin with plenty of iron, since that can be hard to get in her diet. We also allow fortified cereals for breakfast (this is not normally what I prefer to serve in the AM) and we use some protein fortified mixes for some things (like pancakes) to increase overall protein. We do try to focus on less processed items and getting nutrients directly from foods normally, but with a very picky eater you have to accept that some amount of supplementing is necessary. It can help with energy levels especially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 7 yo DD has grown increasingly picky about food over the last couple years. We’re pescatarian and (unfortunately) stuck to that diet when she was really young, so she won’t even try meat. She started refusing fish around 3, beans/lentils around 4. More recently, has started saying no to most dairy (except ice cream!) and nut butters. She’ll eat tofu, veggie hot dogs, and many fruits/vegetables. She will also have plain pasta and cheese pizza. Basically totally refuses to try anything new. Increasingly, things like hot dog buns, crackers, mini toasts, etc are left uneaten. She will often have at least some dessert, but is leaving that uneaten too.

We are trying very hard not to fight about her diet, but I worry a lot that she’s not eating enough. When we ask her about it — for example in context of meal planning or figuring out her packed lunch — she says she hates food, doesn’t want to eat, nothing tastes good. I cannot remember the last time she said she was hungry. Her pediatrician hasn’t been worried when we’ve raised her picky eating in the past, but it has gotten worse in last 6 months. She seems tired and doesn’t have energy by the end of a soccer game or swim lesson.

Is this normal picky eating? I thought it was when she just complained that she didn’t like certain things, but the “I hate food” has thrown me off. She doesn’t have body image issues at all, so hesitant to label it an eating disorder — but this feels like it’s about more than just the food. Maybe AFRID? Something in me feels like this is psychological and not physical, but maybe I’m overthinking.

Things that have helped with pickiness in our house:
Involving kids in the kitchen (have them clean veggies, wash them, break stalks of cilantro, while I actually do the actual grinding, have them switch the grinder button on and off). When they are involved with making the food, they also want to taste it and eventually eat it.
We also have deals (may not be the greatest idea under child psychology but it works for us). If you want to go for swimming, soccer (whatever they like going to), you have to make sure you finish what's in your plate and eat well. Unless one meal is completely done (example breakfast), we do not embark on next activities.
During the pickiness phase, I had completely eliminated sugar from the diet. No cookies, no ice cream, no lollipops. In our case, sugar was one of the causes behind killing appetite.

Our goal during the pickiness phase was to make sure DC ate at least 2 fruits (example 3-4 strawberries and 1/2-1 bowl of diced apples), 2-3 servings of vegetables, 2 wholegrains throughout the day. Everything else was optional. Liking for beans grew with introduction of crispy tacos with garnished black bean dips.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the thoughtful responses and tips. I like the idea of setting a minimum threshold of food for the day and not worrying as much so long as she meets it — especially for whole grains, which is a challenge.

To the PP who uses fortified foods, we recently started using Kodiak pancake mix and bought some Pediasure, but would love any other specific recommendations on that front.

[Anonymous]

I am a school psychologist and I think you need to get her in for an OT sensory processing consult. These feeding issues also will present a social problem as she gets older and is invited to eat at other kids’ houses. One of my daughter’s friends only ate hot dogs and Dr. Pepper, and it was a real hassle to have her over or take her with us places. She got grumpy and tired but wouldn’t eat anything. You need to get at the root cause of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a school psychologist and I think you need to get her in for an OT sensory processing consult. These feeding issues also will present a social problem as she gets older and is invited to eat at other kids’ houses. One of my daughter’s friends only ate hot dogs and Dr. Pepper, and it was a real hassle to have her over or take her with us places. She got grumpy and tired but wouldn’t eat anything. You need to get at the root cause of this.

OP here. This is part of my concern as well, and I do wonder if there are sensory issues at play. It's puzzling because she eats some variety of textures (e.g., loves crunchy, but also will eat uncooked tofu, avocado). But I'm no expert! I scheduled a pediatrician appointment for next week just to focus on this so hoping to propose this route then.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my best friend. She was accused for years of having an eating disorder, but she doesn't. She just truly doesn't enjoy food that much and eats because she has to. As a result, she eats very healthy but limited foods and very much just enough to make sure she's healthy. She doesn't have cravings, she won't just sit and eat half a bag of chips because she had a bad day, she will eat a couple bites of birthday cake to be polite, etc.

Of course, there may be other issues at play like sensory issues, but I really do think there are people who just don't enjoy food

[Anonymous]

Sounds fairly normal to me, unless the ped has concerns about growth. Could be worth a call to the ped to check on the tiredness issue.

My kids seem to go through phases where we joke they are “living on air” (not seeming to eat much, or weird phases of picky about various foods) but always grow well anyway. Ped has never been concerned at all

[Anonymous]

You should talk to her ped to check your gut, but in my experience... this is pretty normal. My now 11 yo has always been really picky, but she does like fruit and veggies and we just keep exposing her to new foods. She will try things... and once in a blue moon finds something new she likes. But, yeah. Normal. Annoying as all get out, but normal.

*My other kid, FWIW, will eat anything and everything. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

It's not all bad, OP. Frankly, a lot of people are spending a lot of money and injecting themselves with drugs to cut "food noise" and would love to think the way your daughter does about food. A diet of tofu, soy meats, fruits, vegetables, pizza, pasta, avocado, and some dessert doesn't sound terrible for an 8 year old. You said she leaves behind the buns, crackers, and toast - that's better than the kids who will eat only white carbs!

What would concern me is that she says she "hates food" and "nothing tastes good." That language is a bit concerning. Are you sure she's not being a touch dramatic? Does she ever compliment your cooking or say something was delicious? Does she have favorite flavors of things?

The tiredness could go either way... are you sure it's not you looking for a problem? I mean, does she finish practice, but feels tired after? Or is she so fatigued that she cannot do her activities?

You said you liked the idea of a minimum threshold of food for the day, so I recommend Dr. Greger's Daily Dozen app to kind of gamify it: https://nutritionfacts.org/daily-dozen/

Obviously, being only 7, you'd have to adjust the amounts for her. You said she doesn't like beans but maybe she'd do hummus every other day. I like this approach because it encourages adding healthy foods rather than restricting bad ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a school psychologist and I think you need to get her in for an OT sensory processing consult. These feeding issues also will present a social problem as she gets older and is invited to eat at other kids’ houses. One of my daughter’s friends only ate hot dogs and Dr. Pepper, and it was a real hassle to have her over or take her with us places. She got grumpy and tired but wouldn’t eat anything. You need to get at the root cause of this.

OP here. This is part of my concern as well, and I do wonder if there are sensory issues at play. It's puzzling because she eats some variety of textures (e.g., loves crunchy, but also will eat uncooked tofu, avocado). But I'm no expert! I scheduled a pediatrician appointment for next week just to focus on this so hoping to propose this route then.

NP here. My 8 year old has always been this way as well, though not to the same extreme as yours. Eats a very well balanced diet, variety of flavors and textures, but very specific and not general kid friendly. It IS making social situations harder as she's getting old enough to go on overnight trips with relatives, sleepover friends' houses, etc. For mine it's a combination of fear and anxiety. She likes what's familiar and shuts down completely out of fear when she's confronted with something new. I agree with the PP that if mine was as extreme as yours, I'd get an evaluation. It's exhausting as a parent, and also frustrating and limiting for them.