I am so. tired. of hearing about my mother’s neighbors.

[Anonymous]

I have followed the standard DCUM advice. I call when I’m tasked with something like folding laundry. I only half listen. I “uh huh” and “that sounds hard”. I try to make it a game (Do my elderly neighbors gossip to their children about ME?) I try to change the subject, which always turns back to how the new topic somehow relates to her neighbors. I’m exhausted.

How can one person have so many suspicions and speculations about her neighbors? How does she know so much about their coming’s and going’s? About what they put out to the curb for trash? Who she expects will visit? It is borderline stalker-ish!

I understand she’s bored and lonely, probably anxious. I try to quell some of that with bi-weekly phone calls, but I’m losing my mind!

Is there an outside-of-the-box way I can not let this drive me up the wall?

[Anonymous]

Folding laundry is the way to go. My mom is on the governing board of her town and it'll be the death of me.

[Anonymous]

Do you share with her what you're doing in your life. I mean, besides folding the laundry

[Anonymous]

God, my mom used to tell me the minute details about her volunteer work, which was like a second career for her, all the politics and personalities. It was so boring! Just listen and forget about it.

[Anonymous]

When I talk to my adult daughter I always ask her how work is going, often naming specific coworkers or boss, always trying to remember relevant things she has mentioned that might be conversation worthy. I don't really care about any of it but I know she does so I ask and I listen and converse. Because I care about her, a lot. She's pretty good at listening to me talk about stuff I suspect she doesn't care about too. It's called caring about the person even if some parts of their life bore you.

If your mother does not ask you about your life but only talks about her own that might be the best topic of your next conversation with her.

[Anonymous]

Are you me? My mon is the same way! She’s lived in the same house for over 30 years, so for the past three decades I’ve had to hear way too much neighbor gossip. The lady needs to move to a homestead away from all humans.

[Anonymous]

What do you would prefer your mom to talk about? I'm a mom of adult children and a daughter of an elderly mither and I feel bored talking to all of them because none of us has much to add. Its more of a ritual than conversation.

[Anonymous]

Help us moms out, give us tips.

[Anonymous]

If this is developing behavior, I would be concerned about dementia, OP.

[Anonymous]

Trust me, you will miss her conversations when she’s gone. Stop being an A.

[Anonymous]

Are they going out shopping while they’re supposed to be working from home? If so, I think your mom’s on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

My grandma was always telling us her neighbor was a drug dealer. He had been bad since he was a small boy and rode his tricycle recklessly. Also his girlfriend worked at Hooters. Anyway turns out he totally was a drug dealer all along.

[Anonymous]

Mine used to complain about “the Greeks” across the street and the other neighbors. Unfortunately many old people who are mostly housebound have their worlds shrink incredibly. There’s just not much you can do about it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, you will miss her conversations when she’s gone. Stop being an A.

Please, no, you stop being an A. OP can love her mother AND have zero energy for these one-sided reportings about the neighbors. Both things can be true at the same time.

OP—can you set a timer for 10 minutes? Perhaps cutting the calls down in length will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandma was always telling us her neighbor was a drug dealer. He had been bad since he was a small boy and rode his tricycle recklessly. Also his girlfriend worked at Hooters. Anyway turns out he totally was a drug dealer all along.

I’m here for more of your recollections and observations, PP.