SIL is a bully

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a complete jerk to me and my 14yo DD. We live in the same town and her son (same age) goes to the same school as DD. SIL makes very snarky comments to me about my appearance and life choices, and she is always trying to bring down DS’s accomplishments (she will say DD is ugly, stupid, fat, etc). Not to her face exactly, but when she knows she can hear her. She also talks badly about me to DD and tells DD to not tell me. The son is also a jerk to DD and excludes her, bullies her at school (verbally), and gossips with SIL about DD. I’m sick of this and so is DD. It’s been going on for years. How should I confront this?

FYI, my husband passed away about a year ago, but this was going on way before that.

[Anonymous]

*DD’s accomplishments*

[Anonymous]

Ask her what she's running from in her own life, that she's obsessed with putting down others.

[Anonymous]

Can you move?

[Anonymous]

Move

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you move?

No, unfortunately. And DD can’t switch schools either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she's running from in her own life, that she's obsessed with putting down others.

Can I really ask her this? It’s like confronting a bully on the elementary school playground- I’m scared of the response and repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she's running from in her own life, that she's obsessed with putting down others.

Can I really ask her this? It’s like confronting a bully on the elementary school playground- I’m scared of the response and repercussions.

What repercussions?

Most normal people know that people who gossip are painfully insecure people who are using others as a distraction from their own issues. It sounds like your SIL is doing this. Just pity her, and apologize to her that she must really have a lot of tough stuff going on if she feels the need to put down others who are simply living their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she's running from in her own life, that she's obsessed with putting down others.

Can I really ask her this? It’s like confronting a bully on the elementary school playground- I’m scared of the response and repercussions.

What repercussions?

Most normal people know that people who gossip are painfully insecure people who are using others as a distraction from their own issues. It sounds like your SIL is doing this. Just pity her, and apologize to her that she must really have a lot of tough stuff going on if she feels the need to put down others who are simply living their lives.

True. I guess I just don’t want her to make DD’s life harder than she already does. I don’t really care how she treats me.

[Anonymous]

Why are you in contact with her. I understand that the kids will see each other at school, but how is she able to make snarky comments to you? Cut her out.

[Anonymous]

If she is really using words like stupid, ugly and fat about your DD when talking with others, then there is nothing you need to do. She is clearly showing others who she is and I'm sure they see and are forming their own opinions of her.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry this is happening.

You need to protect your daughter from bullies. Point blank period. In this case, sadly, she’s related to the bullies. But their loss, they get no further contact with her.

You need to protect yourself from bullies. Point blank period. In this case, sadly, the bullies are related to you by marriage and through the blood of your daughter. But their loss, they get no further contact with you.

DD can’t stand up to them. But you can. DD can’t protect herself fully from them. But you can. Do it. Protect your daughter and yourself.

[Anonymous]

Presumably this woman's brother died? And her response is to bully his wife and child; and you as the wife don't stand up for your child. Put on some big girl pants and take care of your child. And any adult that nods in silence when she acts that way. It's a good distraction from your grief.

Pity party stops today.

[Anonymous]

So sorry for your loss. Have you reported your nephew to the school? Also, try to see if they can be separated at school - different lunches, classes etc. I would hope the school is trying to help your dd given she lost her father and this should be part of that.

[Anonymous]

1. "I've had enough of your rudeness and insecurity, Mabel. I despise you for it, and DD despises you for it. You're raising your child to be exactly like you, and it's a shame. Stop it."

2. Then cut her off. Do not respond to texts, emails, and calls. Do not let her in your house or invite her to events.

3. Is this your husband's sister? If you have a relationship with your in-laws, complain to them about their daughter's rudeness. Detail specific examples and tell them you can't bear it anymore because it's been going on for years, and you've reached your breaking point, and your daughter has reached her breaking point. Add that her son imitates her and bullies DD at school.

4. If you are invited to an event where she will be present, GO! You need to do damage control with the other guests, who for sure will have heard horror stories from SIL about you and DD. You need to show your face and be pleasant to everyone. It's PR Damage Control 101. You do not need to engage with her at all, just hello and find someone else to talk to.