When to start trying to conceive second after having first at 37

[Anonymous]

I’m 37 and have a 4 month old baby. My husband is two years older than I am. I am considering a second, and I’m wondering about ideal spacing. Before we got pregnant my husband and I were thinking we were one and done, with my husband more set on the idea than I was. I thought I only wanted one but I didn’t want to promise him anything because I wasn’t sure how I would feel after having the baby. It was super tough at the beginning but we’ve really loved having this baby and my husband recently opened up to me about possibly wanting a second. I am also open to the idea but a little less so than him. He is fine with whatever I decide and if we ultimately decide to have or can only have one that’s fine.

I’ve put not thought into age gaps because I only planned on one, but if we do decide to try to get pregnant again, what are your suggestions for when I should start trying. I had a c section so I’m supposed to wait a little longer. I realize no one can tell me about my fertility and things can change rapidly but as background I got pregnant three months before I turned 37 a month and a half after I stopped talking birth control. My sister recently got pregnant for the first time (not trying) at 42. I’m generally pretty healthy although I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy that I would really like to lose before getting pregnant again. I’ve been exercising but not dieting much because I’m breastfeeding. I’m just enjoying my child for the time being but this is constantly at the back of my mind! My husband wants to wait until our child is 3 but I’m not sure if that’s a bad idea with our ages. Two under two seems crazy to me though.

[Anonymous]

Also not trying to lose weight for vanity reasons (alone) I was just uncomfortable at the end of my last pregnancy and I can’t imagine how uncomfortable I would be at the end if I started at this weight. I currently on birth control (progesterone only for breastfeeding).

[Anonymous]

Gosh I think this is just personal. The longer the spacing the less likely it will happen fertility wise but there are also impacts to your body to having two close together. At 37 I would—as long as your husband is on board—treat it as “if it happens it happens, if not we will be content with one and done.”

If you stop preventing it’s possible you get pregnant sooner than expected which has some health consequences, but it’s also possible it takes your body longer than expected for hormones to normalize as I have met many women who have secondary infertility after their first. Really impossible to know. Chances are it’s going to be harder to get pregnant than the first time, though because late 30s and 40s there is a pretty steep decline in fertility each year.

[Anonymous]

I had 2 c-sections 17 months apart. I would not wait 3 years between kids at 37.

[Anonymous]

“Two under 2” is a phase that passes in the blink of an eye. From personal experience, it’s always hard to throw a second baby into the mix. My first was 4 when my second was born and he was so used to being an only child, and so ready for more “big kid” stuff that i felt like I was splitting my time between baby world and elementary world (he started K when she was 8 months). It was hard.

Also I had secondary infertility after getting pregnant on my first cycle off of birth control with my first. Multiple miscarriages and difficulty getting pregnant at all. Ended up needing progesterone to get and stay pregnant for the second time. It took 2 years (we didn’t plan the 4 year spacing). So if you want a second, start asap is my opinion. I was younger than you with the secondary infertility (I was 34 when my first was born, tried for second starting at 36).

[Anonymous]

Secondary infertility here too. I would start trying as soon as you feel ready, emotionally and physically. Two under two is so much better than IVF and miscarriages and heartache.

[Anonymous]

I was about a year older than you when I had a c-section (38). Started trying for a second when my baby was around 14 months. Now she’s almost 2.5 and we’re about to start IVF. During diagnostic testing, drs discovered possible scarring from my c-section. Agree with previous PPs to start trying asap when you feel ready.

[Anonymous]

It's not likely going to happen and you certainly should not do 2 under 2 without the support of your husband

[Anonymous]

Ideal spacing? Don't waste your time with that. You need to be grateful that it happens at all. Sorry to be blunt.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday?

Kids close in age are going to be really hard on your body, and your family life, however. But if you wait you will likely not be able to have another.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We've discussed it and we're too overwhelmed right now to have another. We're just going to revisit when our baby is a year and probably start trying then. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, we're happy with what we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We've discussed it and we're too overwhelmed right now to have another. We're just going to revisit when our baby is a year and probably start trying then. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, we're happy with what we have.

Ok, but understand that even if you started today the odds are very much so against you. IVF is likely in your future is you are serious and even then - it didn't work for me and many others I know past 38.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 37. Battled with secondary infertility and finally had my second baby 3.5 years after my first.

My suggestions are: Stop any hormonal birth control. Use natural birth control methods so that your body can get into rhythm. When this baby turns 1 y.o. stop trying to conceive. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 37. Battled with secondary infertility and finally had my second baby 3.5 years after my first.

My suggestions are: Stop any hormonal birth control. Use natural birth control methods so that your body can get into rhythm. When this baby turns 1 y.o. stop trying to conceive. Good luck.

Sorry, I meant: When this baby turns 1 y.o. start trying to conceive.

[Anonymous]

Some of these responses are blunt in tone but are sharing their opinion based upon their own difficult experience. The truth is, some women have no difficulty conceiving at 39-40, and many do. You can look at studies and there does seem to be a difference from 34-36 to 37-39. I think your approach is very reasonable and you just have to be ready for a more challenging journey in case that’s what is waiting for you.