Can't Invite Whole Class - 1st Grader Birthday
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Anonymous
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And I feel guilty. I'm such an includer but I have twins and can't afford to host more than 20 kids.
We're using Evite for invites but sometimes word gets out that there's a party and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Is there a good way to handle this? I might make goodie bags for the kids to take to the class. Maybe I'm overthinking this. |
Anonymous
| How many kids are you not invited? Better to be smaller than to invite 3/4 of the class and leave out only a small number of kids. Don't sent in gift bags for the kids that you don't invite that just makes it worse and draw attention to the fact that they weren't invited. Are your twins the same gender - can you just invite all the girls/boys so there is a clean line. |
Anonymous
| You could plan a lower key party like cake and games at a park if you wanted to include the whole class, so please stop trying to claim the moral high ground here. But if you persist with your plan, keep the evite setting private so that people can’t see the invite list and do not compound the insult by sending in goodie bags to the kids who didn’t make the “top 20 list”. |
Anonymous
| And repeatedly remind your kids to NOT say anything about the party at school. |
Anonymous
| To clarify: the plan is not to send goodie bags only to the kids who weren't invited. The plan is to send them to the whole class. |
Anonymous
Do not do goody bags to bring to school. I hate that and it just makes everyone think they need to. Plus, it will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to make anyone not invited to the party feel better. |
Anonymous
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Do not send in goodie bags for kids you don't invite! That just draws attention to the fact they're not invited (bc presumably if they were invited, they'd get a goodie bag AT the party not at school).
My rule for my kids' parties is: -you can either invite everyone/the entire class or the entire team or all the boys/girls in the class or whatever but it has to be the WHOLE group w/ no kids in that group excluded OR -you have a small party w/ just your 4-5 closest friends (out of a class of 30 kids...meaning a LOT of kids will be left out so no kid would feel like they're the only one not invited which is what will happen if you invite say 20 kids out of 25 or something) AND you are not allowed to talk about your party at school at all (of course kids do talk so you can't really guarantee this but I do tell my kids not to talk about their parties at school or around other kids and I do evite only and make the guest list private) |
Anonymous
No. Don't do this. Please don't do this. If every kid did this, imagine all the candy and plastic crap coming home from school 30x a year! This just makes other parents feel like they need to send a goody bag to school on their kid's bday...we don't need any more junk. |
Anonymous
| It's fine to not invite everyone. My daughter is in 1st and has been invited to 3 parties this year. She's not crying about it. |
Anonymous
+1. You either invite everyone or you invite a small number of kids. If your twins are both boys or both girls, tell them they can invite all the boys/girls in the class. If you have boy/girl twins, tell them they each get to pick 3-4 friends to invite. Keep the party small if you can't include everyone. |
Anonymous
| Either invite everyone (to the kind of party you can afford -- it doesn't have to be fancy) or invite well less than half. Don't send goody bags to school. |
Anonymous
OP here and I like these ideas. I think a small number will work. Thank you |
Anonymous
| FWIW, I prefer showing the guest list on smaller parties. That way I don’t accidentally tell a non-invited family about the party based on a mistaken assumption. |
Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
OP here - great point. Thank you |