Travel planning: AITAH for telling spouse I told you so

[Anonymous]

Currently, in Paris with spouse and 2 elementary ages kids for about a week. Ordinarily, I handle the travel attachments for our trips. This is our first time in Europe and they wanted to see do/everything.

The plans I laid out only involved one or two things a day so we could have time to get around and not run our kids ragged. DH didn't think we were doing enough and criticized me for not finalizing enough plans. I got frustrated and them to do it. They did.

We've been here a few days and we've been late to everything because navigating Paris takes time. Every night has been extremely late so between that and jet lag, our kids are exhausted and complaining.

We're currently in a taxi running an hour late for a reservation and it's taking everything in my power to resist using this as an example of why I plan the way I do.

Am I the a--hole if I say I told you so?

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Yes but I would anyway because I'm petty like that. Suggest dropping a few things from the future schedule.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting this. Leaving for Paris in a few weeks, and I was having the same thoughts about how much to plan. Kids are similar ages. Was thinking about how tired they will be from jet lag, navigating a new city, walking. Anyway I get the frustration. When I leave things to my DH to plan on vacation, it inevitably goes awry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but I would anyway because I'm petty like that. Suggest dropping a few things from the future schedule.

Same. And this is why I do all the planning (and then get bitter that DH and kids just get to show up for everything without a care in the world and how I'd like to just "show up" to something for once...I'm a fun time, LOL.).

[Anonymous]

Yes.

Can you do it from the angle of “let’s cancel one thing tomorrow so we can catch up on sleep/rest/just wander the city?”

[Anonymous]

No but I would be pushing for a mid trip adjustment. It’s also difficult to imagine that I would have agreed to such a busy vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: No but I would be pushing for a mid trip adjustment. It’s also difficult to imagine that I would have agreed to such a busy vacation.

My “no” means I suggest that you don’t say it but work quickly to get the outcome you want.

[Anonymous]

Say it to us. You did tell him so. Get it all out here. Then go work collaboratively to adjust the rest of the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say it to us. You did tell him so. Get it all out here. Then go work collaboratively to adjust the rest of the trip.

OP here and thanks this is good advice. I will vent because while the trip is okay, the kids are constantly on the verge meltdowns. Always hungry and tired because we're constantly on the move. I take into account travel time, rest because we're with kids, slowly enjoying sites, looking at the city and random things.

It was a huge error thinking this would be a go, go, go type trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for posting this. Leaving for Paris in a few weeks, and I was having the same thoughts about how much to plan. Kids are similar ages. Was thinking about how tired they will be from jet lag, navigating a new city, walking. Anyway I get the frustration. When I leave things to my DH to plan on vacation, it inevitably goes awry.

Also plan on meals being much longer than what Americans are accustomed to. We didn't even realize you have to ask do the check in Paris or they'll never bring it to you. Also, with the Olympics approaching, there is still a bunch of construction and beautifying going on. Keep that in mind when you arrive.

[Anonymous]

So cut out some pre-planned stuff from your trip and build in some down time.

This is what we did when we over planned. Yes, we sacrificed some money and didn't see some must see things, but the kids were happier which made for a better trip for everyone.

It's not to late to change the pace of your trip But leave out the I told you so's. Phrase it as doing what's best for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but I would anyway because I'm petty like that. Suggest dropping a few things from the future schedule.

Same. And this is why I do all the planning (and then get bitter that DH and kids just get to show up for everything without a care in the world and how I'd like to just "show up" to something for once...I'm a fun time, LOL.).

I have found my people.

[Anonymous]

I went to Paris with my family last year.

Even though we normally pre-plan everything, we wanted to go to so many museums that I couldn't bear to lock those dates/times down in advance (Orangerie, Orsay, etc.). Our schedule was a bit stuffed. We did end up skipping a couple things.

With all the prebooking and increased tourist load at key sights in Europe, we are just more realistic about what we can do. For example, we didn't go up in the Eiffel Tower. We sailed by it once on the Batobus and later in the week we went to an observation point across the water to see it sparkle on the hour.

My husband and I have evolved a strategy of planning only 2 tourist attractions per day (including any dining beyond grab 'n go for lunch). That keeps us from overbooking things to do. We have an AM slot and a PM slot. And a couple rough ideas on how to swap or fill time if it appears in the schedule.

We like to stay in apartments in city neighborhoods and so use visiting grocery stores as an additional attraction. Experimenting with local foods makes for some strange combinations but is a lot of fun. And it keeps meal costs down.

I agree with those who say vent here, but don't pull an "I told you so" during the vacation. If your husband doesn't realize what's been happening during this week, he'll likely never internalize it anyway because his planning mindset is just different. Discuss it briefly next time you plan a vacation.

If there's time to adjust and a nice day, maybe do a couple loops on the Batobus. That was the most relaxing thing we did.

[Anonymous]

As usually, it depends on the sort of person you married: whether they're observant, learn from their mistakes, and also whether they're hypersensitive to criticism and might start a fight.

The only way my husband has learned from his mistakes is by COPIOUS amounts of "I Told You So". Not said nastily out of resentment, but pragmatically. I will point out firmly, for future planning (tomorrow, or the next trip), that he should notice and learn from his choices.

In my husband's case it isn't trying to do too much, but cheaping out and making our life difficult. For example, getting a non-direct flight to Europe and expecting us to hit the ground running, when actually we're all exhausted and either cancel the first day's activities or can barely enjoy whatever it is we planned. Or refusing the nice rental I found and getting us something much cheaper that ends up having no hot shower water, with a grimy kitchen and a broken clothes washer.

If I don't point out these things, he's just going to continue, because he could sleep on the floor, sleep through an activity and drag his crying kids through such a vacation if it cost him less money - even though we can afford much better! So I need to get through to him FIRMLY.