Does anyone elses spouse stay out overnight frequently

[Anonymous]

OP, I have had my husband do the same (stay out late, get too drunk, not come home). It happened, not regularly, but was the start of a phase where he felt he wanted freedom and to have more fun. We married young and had kids relatively young and went through rough times, so maybe that's why it was triggered. I don't know. I found it completely unacceptable and even worse, I also found out he was lying about where he was crashing.

Anyway, in our case, it wasn't about an affair. It was about wanting to live the glory days that our peers were living... If we didn't wrestle with the issue immediately it might have expanded into an affair (just another extension of living the glory days and not wanting to be tied down).

Occasionally, dh will still get too drunk to get home safely. It happens about once a year. As a person who basically never drinks too much, I have a hard time understanding those who do.

But besides this, he's usually a fine upstanding man.

Maybe it's because he's so upstanding most of the time that when he actually does let loose, he goes too far?

Who knows. I still don't think it's acceptable or normal, but I want you to know that it does happen and this is my best explanation for why it happens in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP here, no, it's a newer pattern. Maybe having a baby has freaked him out a bit, and like the other poster said, he's trying to relive his "glory" days or something...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no, it's a newer pattern. Maybe having a baby has freaked him out a bit, and like the other poster said, he's trying to relive his "glory" days or something...

OP, what does he want? He can fuck whomever he likes. He can stay out late. He can stay at his friends. All you ask for is a text. This is a passive aggressive move on his part. That's why everyone feels sorry for you. Can you be really honest about this - how was your upbringing? Healthy? Relationship with father?

[Anonymous]

16:09 Okay, being honest here. I was brought up in a VERY strict Christian family. As far as I know, it was healthy. My mother is a saint and has always been very good to me. However, my father passed away when I was young. But, up until he passed, we had a very good relationship. I was a big time daddy's girl, and he did a lot of activities with me (sports, fishing, etc.). I think I do have low esteem issues. I also know that I have pretty tragic taste in men. I've only had relationships with 7 guys, and I married 3 of them. My 1st husband was a serial cheater and physically abusive. My 2nd husband had mental problems and was physically abusive. I was also kidnapped and raped as a teenager. I pretty much feel that, although there are really good men out there, with my luck, I won't end up with one. I'll just end up with more of the same, so why bother divorcing and trying to find something better. All the men I've ever been with have been the same. So, I just try to do whatever to try to make this marriage work since I have a baby with him.

[Anonymous]

No what he is doing is not acceptable in my opinion.

You should return the favor to teach him a lesson. I would go stay at a hotel one night or out with a friend. He has a wife and a kid, his days of staying out late and getting drunk should be over.

Me and my friends have a saying 'know your limit'. If at this age he doesn't know his limit for alcohol, that's a real problem. Not to mention, I've heard to many stories of men claiming they got drunk and slept with another woman by accident and wanted to blame it on the alcohol to the wifey.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband did this. He was having affairs and his friends were covering for him.

[Anonymous]

OP please read this: Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:09 Okay, being honest here. I was brought up in a VERY strict Christian family. As far as I know, it was healthy. My mother is a saint and has always been very good to me. However, my father passed away when I was young. But, up until he passed, we had a very good relationship. I was a big time daddy's girl, and he did a lot of activities with me (sports, fishing, etc.). I think I do have low esteem issues. I also know that I have pretty tragic taste in men. I've only had relationships with 7 guys, and I married 3 of them. My 1st husband was a serial cheater and physically abusive. My 2nd husband had mental problems and was physically abusive. I was also kidnapped and raped as a teenager. I pretty much feel that, although there are really good men out there, with my luck, I won't end up with one. I'll just end up with more of the same, so why bother divorcing and trying to find something better. All the men I've ever been with have been the same. So, I just try to do whatever to try to make this marriage work since I have a baby with him.

pp here. Get into therapy. Seriously. Life can get better but you need help. Find a female therapist for sure. My guess is that your current husband will turn abusive eventually and you need to create the mental resources to protect yourself and your child.

[Anonymous]

There is no way 9:45 is the OP. No way is that the same person who wrote the Geez, why are people so uptight about semi-open relationships thread. No way.

[Anonymous]

OP - Do not reproduce again with this man. Ever. And please seek the counseling previously advised.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Troll alert!! Don't respond, you'll only feed the troll more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is something that is really aggravating to me. This happens about once a month. DH will go out, and tell me he will be home around a certain time. (I'm home with our baby). But, he never comes home. I end up worrying that he's been in an accident, or something, and not being able to sleep for the worry, he doesn't answer his phone. 100% of the time, the next day he'll apologize and say he accidently fell asleep (because he'd been drinking) at so-and-so's house. Now, I know he IS actually where he says he is (unless his friends are covering for him, which I don't really think they would do). I'm really getting sick of it. Especially, since I'm 100% okay with him staying overnight at friends houses, especially if he's been drinking, as I don't want him trying to drive home. All I want is for him to notify me, so I won't worry. He treats it so nonchalantly, like I'm making a big deal about it when it isn't a big deal.

Would this bother you too? Am I being too controlling by wanting to know he's safe where he is? Am I blowing this issue out of porportion?

Wow. My DW & I have been married for 20 years, and I did that once in year 2.

[Anonymous]

No way would I allow this from my husband, and no way would I do this to him. This is disrespectful and immature behavior at best. At worst, he's deliberately hiding something from you (either an affair or alcohol problem). I would talk to him and set some limits, and it he cannot comply I think it's time to see a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way 9:45 is the OP. No way is that the same person who wrote the Geez, why are people so uptight about semi-open relationships thread. No way.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/296618.page#3377929

Apparently this is the OP. Likely a troll (or a truly - truly - crazy bitch)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way 9:45 is the OP. No way is that the same person who wrote the Geez, why are people so uptight about semi-open relationships thread. No way.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/296618.page#3377929

Apparently this is the OP. Likely a troll (or a truly - truly - crazy bitch)

That is truly shocking. OP, at one point, in one of your attention-seeking threads, I posted that you lack anything resembling self awareness. I second, third, fourth that statement now. You are so not in tune with yourself, your marriage, or reality. I truly, truly feel sorry for you.