6 year old braggart

[Anonymous]

He is almost 7 and still bragging hard. He loves people seeing him do things and he likes to show off. When he rode a bike the first few times, his first question was “Do you think everyone can SEE me riding this bike?!” When he goes to sport practice and makes a goal, he pumps his fist but then looks into the stands to see if we/the other parents saw it. We just joined a new sport this season and he is already “so good at goals” or “so fast” (he is not!)

Don’t get me wrong, he is a very nice kid, teachers comment he is sweet and helpful and a rule follower. But the bragging mortifies me. I don’t know where he gets it. We parents are introverts and I (mom) am very much a blend into the woodwork type. We are a lot wealthier than many in our school so I feel self conscious when he brags about trips or sports or camp, which I know he does at circle time at school.

It’s been several years of reminding not to brag, telling him everyone is different and makes different choice, we don’t want people to be annoyed or hurt, and so on. What else should I be doing to curb this show off behavior?

[Anonymous]

^^^
Typo he is 7, almost 8!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your kid is seeking some sort of validation for his accomplishments like scoring a goal or riding a bike. I think looking at the stands to see if people are cheering is fairly benign. Are you proactively telling him you are proud of him?

If he’s going around to other people and boasting then I’d try to rein that in (I tell me kids to let their actions speak for themselves). And is he actually “bragging” during circle time or all the kids sharing what they did that weekend and you’re embarrassed that your vacations are nicer than the classmates’ vacations? It sounds like you may be transferring some of your lack of comfort with your wealth onto him. Maybe scale back the travel and camps until he is older if it’s causing you distress. A young child isn’t going to keep this a secret.

[Anonymous]

Give him challenges that make him a better person.

So if he wants to show off his soccer skill, show him a highlight reel of someone making ASSISTS and get him to start working on passing the ball instead of scoring all the goals. Praise him only for helping a teammate or for hustling. Just a few ideas.

Also, when you catch him doing it, ask him some pointed follow up questions. "How does this make others feel?" and focus more on being a HELPFUL team player etc.

[Anonymous]

Low self esteem issues stemming from parents ignoring him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is seeking some sort of validation for his accomplishments like scoring a goal or riding a bike. I think looking at the stands to see if people are cheering is fairly benign. Are you proactively telling him you are proud of him?

If he’s going around to other people and boasting then I’d try to rein that in (I tell me kids to let their actions speak for themselves). And is he actually “bragging” during circle time or all the kids sharing what they did that weekend and you’re embarrassed that your vacations are nicer than the classmates’ vacations? It sounds like you may be transferring some of your lack of comfort with your wealth onto him. Maybe scale back the travel and camps until he is older if it’s causing you distress. A young child isn’t going to keep this a secret.

Yes that’s what I mean! Validation, needing it, seeking it, self validating, being pleased and puffed up. I do tell him I’m proud but make a point to praise attitude and work. Like “Hey great practice! I saw you fell down but got right back up and went after the ball. I like that attitude!”

I am glad to hear that looking into stands is normal. I don’t see anyone else doing it and DS does it basically every time.

[Anonymous]

Looking into the stands for you isn't a big deal, I don't think.

When he brags about how fast he is or how good he is at X, say something to the effect of "who else had a good game?" OR " Jimmy gave you a great pass, didn't he?"

When he asks if everyone can see him being wonderful 😉 tell him everyone else is watching their own child... but you saw him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking into the stands for you isn't a big deal, I don't think.

When he brags about how fast he is or how good he is at X, say something to the effect of "who else had a good game?" OR " Jimmy gave you a great pass, didn't he?"

When he asks if everyone can see him being wonderful 😉 tell him everyone else is watching their own child... but you saw him.

I like this line.

[Anonymous]

Very normal, just model what you'd prefer he say.
"You really love kicking those goals, don't you?"

[Anonymous]

If you really want to make a point at soccer, tell him "Larlo was open, you should have passed the ball to him. " No accolades for being a selfish player. "We know you can score, but can you get the ball to other players?"

[Anonymous]

He's looking for validation from YOU.

[Anonymous]

Don’t blame the mother. I would be mortified too if I had a kid who bragged all the time, especially on basic things like riding a bike or going to camp.

It’s immaturity and if he gets enough negative feedback hopefully he’ll calm down. Talk to the teacher, ask what type of reaction he gets and ask for advice.

[Anonymous]

Maybe find picture books about braggarts that illustrate the effects it has.

When I see my kid bragging, I quickly point out the effect it has, and I proactively warn them about bragging if I think it’s likely to happen. My approach has been pretty successful.

[Anonymous]

This is benign and age appropriate. Give him some props.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^
Typo he is 7, almost 8!

No, you put 6 in the headline, then put “almost 7” in the body. Now there’s something fishy. The wrong age or about-to-be-age in both the headline and the original post? Nope. Suspect.