Kid is worried about adulthood

[Anonymous]

3rd grader kid does not know what he could do to earn a living if he can't go to college. He is worried about if he admits to college, he had to leave home around age 18 and what he should major in. I work in accounting, and DH works in IT. Except youtube and video game, he does not know what his interest is or what he excels at for career. He says that he cannot stand long hours working at restaurant because it is tiring. I think adulthood is not fun to him at all.

He asks me to give him some house chores to do at home, so that he learns to know how to live independently at dorm room or outside at age 18. He gets the idea somehow that he has to leave home at age 18 because he either goes off to college or has ymto find a job to support himself. I don't want to lie to him that that is fake. How could I support him finding his interest, his career goal or worry?

[Anonymous]

I think he may have anxiety...
Also maybe check your messaging to him about adulthood. Are you constantly commissioning about work? Take your kid to work day is coming up, use that time to get to the bottom of all the feelings he's having

[Anonymous]

My DD was similar, but it was more like when she was 12. DD has anxiety, and sounds like your kid does, too.

You say to them that you will support them while they are in college, and if you have any college fund saved, let them know that there is money for college, just maybe not a really expensive one.

DD was anxious that she'd be homeless as a young adult. What if they can't get a job to pay for rent/food? I told her that no matter what, she would have a place to stay with us or her sibling (their sibling loves her). But, that I know she doesn't want to live with us as an adult, so yes, that means getting a good paying job.

Tell your DC that it's good that they want to be responsible, and honestly, they should have some chores at 8 (age appropriate, of course).

You can certainly teach them to cook simple things, and do laundry. They can help you, but you certainly don't want them to own that responsibility yet.

Tell him that most people don't really know what they want to do, even adults (myself included, and I'm 53), and that they have a long time to decide this; that college students change majors all the time.

You need to address your kid's anxiety rather than just these specific things. There will always be something your kid is anxious about.

My kid is seeing a therapist for her anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Op here. He is carefree and plays hard most of the time, but these questions pop up to me by him normally at bedtime once every few months. He wants to be a child for the rest of his life, and ge wants me to financially support him and be there for him for the rest of his life. He is loved by family. He has some anxiety, but his anxiety is not serious enough to be medicated. We have been following up with his doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he may have anxiety...
Also maybe check your messaging to him about adulthood. Are you constantly commissioning about work? Take your kid to work day is coming up, use that time to get to the bottom of all the feelings he's having

I'm a PP with an anxious kid.

In hindsight, I realize that I did talk about the importance of college and getting a good paying job too much with her, but I didn't realize she had anxiety issues back then.

Definitely back off on discussions about this type of stuff.

If not from you, then where is your kid getting this from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He is carefree and plays hard most of the time, but these questions pop up to me by him normally at bedtime once every few months. He wants to be a child for the rest of his life, and ge wants me to financially support him and be there for him for the rest of his life. He is loved by family. He has some anxiety, but his anxiety is not serious enough to be medicated. We have been following up with his doctor.

He could grow out of that anxiety, but then again, it could get worse as he gets older and there's more things to worry about. I would definitely talk to someone about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He is carefree and plays hard most of the time, but these questions pop up to me by him normally at bedtime once every few months. He wants to be a child for the rest of his life, and ge wants me to financially support him and be there for him for the rest of his life. He is loved by family. He has some anxiety, but his anxiety is not serious enough to be medicated. We have been following up with his doctor.

My middle child is like this. For her it's not anxiety. She's always been pretty mature and forward looking in her thinking. She was two years old when she asked us who would drive her away from her wedding.

We do a mixture of reassuring her that we'll always be there (she often says she wants to buy a house next door to us, though she's growing old enough to be less and less interested in that) and reminding her that being a kid is a great time to explore options, not to settle on a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was similar, but it was more like when she was 12. DD has anxiety, and sounds like your kid does, too.

You say to them that you will support them while they are in college, and if you have any college fund saved, let them know that there is money for college, just maybe not a really expensive one.

DD was anxious that she'd be homeless as a young adult. What if they can't get a job to pay for rent/food? I told her that no matter what, she would have a place to stay with us or her sibling (their sibling loves her). But, that I know she doesn't want to live with us as an adult, so yes, that means getting a good paying job.

Tell your DC that it's good that they want to be responsible, and honestly, they should have some chores at 8 (age appropriate, of course).

You can certainly teach them to cook simple things, and do laundry. They can help you, but you certainly don't want them to own that responsibility yet.

Tell him that most people don't really know what they want to do, even adults (myself included, and I'm 53), and that they have a long time to decide this; that college students change majors all the time.

You need to address your kid's anxiety rather than just these specific things. There will always be something your kid is anxious about.

My kid is seeing a therapist for her anxiety.

Op here. Thank you for all these tips. Yes, he does not want to be homeless because he has seen homeless guys pushing shopping carts with belongings inside carts. We are not rich, but we live comfortable to get him presents that he wants, go on vacation and sign up camps/classes that he wants to attend. I think he is afraid that he can't maintain this living standard by himself working.

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old gets a little overwhelmed by the thought of adult hood at times too. And I remember as a kid just thinking how in the world am I supposed to know how to file taxes and change a tire and cook a meal. I mean it seems like so much.

But I remind him that if I told him in kindergarten he had to do multiplication he would have been overwhelmed but now it is easy for him because you learn things over time. Also thanks to the internet you can look it all up. And he knows we aren’t going to kick him to the curb at 18. We will help get him launched.

One other thing is we’ve had him invest some of his allowance money (we match it) in index funds. So he knows he’ll have some money waiting for him in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3rd grader kid does not know what he could do to earn a living if he can't go to college. He is worried about if he admits to college, he had to leave home around age 18 and what he should major in. I work in accounting, and DH works in IT. Except youtube and video game, he does not know what his interest is or what he excels at for career. He says that he cannot stand long hours working at restaurant because it is tiring. I think adulthood is not fun to him at all.

He asks me to give him some house chores to do at home, so that he learns to know how to live independently at dorm room or outside at age 18. He gets the idea somehow that he has to leave home at age 18 because he either goes off to college or has ymto find a job to support himself. I don't want to lie to him that that is fake. How could I support him finding his interest, his career goal or worry?

Do you discuss money or household issues in front of him?

Tell him about your transition to adulthood, how did you find your path to your career, what anxieties you had and how it all got resolved. I'm sure you were not planning to become an accountant in third grade. Let his dad tell him about his college experiences too. He may just need some grounding, hear about real life situations and not live in a fantasy where you kick him out the minute he turns 18.

[Anonymous]

Teach him about trade jobs and trade school. Those guys can make very good money.

[Anonymous]

My daughter once expressed anxiety like this. I think she was in 7th grade. I just confidently told her "you will be ready. That's my role as a parent; to make sure you are ready to be an adult. I take my role very seriously". And I meant every word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He is carefree and plays hard most of the time, but these questions pop up to me by him normally at bedtime once every few months. He wants to be a child for the rest of his life, and ge wants me to financially support him and be there for him for the rest of his life. He is loved by family. He has some anxiety, but his anxiety is not serious enough to be medicated. We have been following up with his doctor.

My kid is like this. YOU need to be a confident parent. Tell him you know he will find his way and as he gets older your role is to advise him while he takes on more responsibility. Give him more responsibility as he gets older. For example, we l introduced our kids to finances young and they started investing at 12yo. They do their own laundry from 7yo, clothes shopping from 11yo, own social coordination from 10 yo, party planning, etc, etc. We actually kept a spreadsheet so we can be consistent between kids. I didn't want Larla to accuse me of being soft on Larlo, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He is carefree and plays hard most of the time, but these questions pop up to me by him normally at bedtime once every few months. He wants to be a child for the rest of his life, and ge wants me to financially support him and be there for him for the rest of his life. He is loved by family. He has some anxiety, but his anxiety is not serious enough to be medicated. We have been following up with his doctor.

My kid is like this. YOU need to be a confident parent. Tell him you know he will find his way and as he gets older your role is to advise him while he takes on more responsibility. Give him more responsibility as he gets older. For example, we l introduced our kids to finances young and they started investing at 12yo. They do their own laundry from 7yo, clothes shopping from 11yo, own social coordination from 10 yo, party planning, etc, etc. We actually kept a spreadsheet so we can be consistent between kids. I didn't want Larla to accuse me of being soft on Larlo, etc.

Not OP, but this is a super-helpful perspective on how to prepare kids to launch into the world. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

My SIL told her son (my son's cousin)that if one gamble they would have a horrible life and die young; and during last Xmas we had a cruise together and the cousin and when they walk through the gambling deck the cousin told my son, and he got upset for the whole evening.

Adults say the darnest things sometimes.