How do you time for yourself?

[Anonymous]

Between kids and parent responsibilities and work, how are people balancing it all?

[Anonymous]

We hire people. We have a nanny, we have cleaning people twice a week, landscapers, cleaning people for the elderly parents, etc.

[Anonymous]

How do you do it with no money allocation to hire people? Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? I had so much responsibility at a young age. I just had to be that way. Parents were gone a lot. I didn't and don't view it as neglectful. I'd start with evaluating every single thing you do for them and make sure it isn't something they can do. My parents assumed we were competent to manage our own life, to figure it out. Of course you've given no age for reference

And more without reference, your parents. If money is an issue -- they have it, you don't. If money could allow you to do more for them, travel to see them more -- have a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Families are so different. My parents are abroad and state will take care of them. I also have a lovely half sister who lives near them. Zero worries when it comes to them.
I have very easy kids and big family with most of them not married/no kids. For over a year, every single weekend they have been able to watch the kids.
I had horrible jobs and working condition in my twenties and even in thirties. There were times when I worked for minimum wage. Their were times I didn't even make minimum. Worse than not getting paid were the 12-hour shifts without a break. All this made me want to invest money so I never have to be in a position where I worked, but don't get paid.
I remember making a martini and crying as they owed me about ten week's pay.
Long story short, I learned everything there is to learn about investing and personal finance. Within 5 years of starting, I have enough not to work anymore. I started with very little that grew very big. Definitely not 10% a year like every books talks about, and I didn't even know what the heck I was doing.
No parents to care for, free endless babysitting by family, and I don't have to work for money.

[Anonymous]

I'm probably much older than other posters, I guess since people are talking about nannies. At 51, my kids are 22 and 26, so not taking up much of my time and energy. My job is pretty low stress and still fulfilling and I work from home most days. Even when the kids were home, I didn't feel overwhelmed - I never worried about having perfect children, a spotless house or a beautiful yard.

DH and I have mothers in their 80s but they are still doing pretty well. And we both have siblings who live much closer to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Families are so different. My parents are abroad and state will take care of them. I also have a lovely half sister who lives near them. Zero worries when it comes to them.
I have very easy kids and big family with most of them not married/no kids. For over a year, every single weekend they have been able to watch the kids.
I had horrible jobs and working condition in my twenties and even in thirties. There were times when I worked for minimum wage. Their were times I didn't even make minimum. Worse than not getting paid were the 12-hour shifts without a break. All this made me want to invest money so I never have to be in a position where I worked, but don't get paid.
I remember making a martini and crying as they owed me about ten week's pay.
Long story short, I learned everything there is to learn about investing and personal finance. Within 5 years of starting, I have enough not to work anymore. I started with very little that grew very big. Definitely not 10% a year like every books talks about, and I didn't even know what the heck I was doing.
No parents to care for, free endless babysitting by family, and I don't have to work for money.

What’s your secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are so different. My parents are abroad and state will take care of them. I also have a lovely half sister who lives near them. Zero worries when it comes to them.
I have very easy kids and big family with most of them not married/no kids. For over a year, every single weekend they have been able to watch the kids.
I had horrible jobs and working condition in my twenties and even in thirties. There were times when I worked for minimum wage. Their were times I didn't even make minimum. Worse than not getting paid were the 12-hour shifts without a break. All this made me want to invest money so I never have to be in a position where I worked, but don't get paid.
I remember making a martini and crying as they owed me about ten week's pay.
Long story short, I learned everything there is to learn about investing and personal finance. Within 5 years of starting, I have enough not to work anymore. I started with very little that grew very big. Definitely not 10% a year like every books talks about, and I didn't even know what the heck I was doing.
No parents to care for, free endless babysitting by family, and I don't have to work for money.

What’s your secret?

She lucked out with NVDA

Or maybe she was behind the whole BBBY Reddit madness

[Anonymous]

My mom is in assisted living nearby and I hired additional help. I still have to take her to appointments, dinner, etc, and field multiple calls a day but I try to maintain boundaries. Usually not more than 2x/week, plus paperwork time. She has alzheimers so no idea where its heading. my father is on the other side of the country and has always chosen his wife (stepmom) over me/siblings, so I dont really have any responsibilities there. We now have weekly cleaners, but what I really needed was more like a housekeeper/helper who would do laundry, tidy, organize closets, our cleaners just...clean...and I go crazy for an hour before they coe. there's still all the laundry and tidying and bills and financial planning (all on me, though dh does some laundry), the driving (more DH), the shopping and cooking.

My kids are 12 and 14. I dont think I am a very good parent anymore. We are trying though. My son, who is on the spectrum, has no friends really and a lot of needs, though at this point we mostly manage therapy and a few activities he tolerates. We haven't built a community around us (we moved here a few years ago) and are isolated. My daughter is very self sufficient, but also detaching from us. I feel bereft at times, like a failure as a parent. THey spend a lot of time on screens. They do not engage with each other or us very much anymore. Was it because we moved? because I worked instead of staying home? are we just horrible parents?(We both have pretty dysfunctional families of origins and have tried to be better than our parents, but not sure that's saying much).

As for time for myself, I guess weekends and an hour or so at night after dinner, since kids now no longer need us to put them to bed. but I dont do anything productive with it. I am a very occasional exerciser, and always behind on bills, and have let go of things like gardening, self improvement, fancy cooking, reading in depth, etc. instead its dcum and random scrolling and walking the dog. DH has more time. His job is wfh, and very flexible, and not really full time. He goes to an exericse class 4x/week and makes it a priority. Does a hobby with a good friend. I should do something as well but I haven't. I have no energy to get up at 5 am, which is the only time I ca do it (he does evenings, when I am in charge of dinner and driving). And, sadly, I have no friends here. We moved here 4 years ago and for the first time in my life I"mnot social. I have no energy, and honestly people where we are seem insular. (we are not in dc anymore). I've tried, and finally just...ugh. I dont fit in with the 'mom scene' at school since I work too much to do the pta shit, and I dont have friends at work (wrong age I guess), and our neighborhood is either really young with babies or retired, and we dont go to church soo...

I feel extremely extremely blech. I feel I should do much more for my kids than I do. Help them get involved. or something. and more for myself, but I am too tired.

yikes, sorry , this turned into a horrible "woe is me" rant. I am actuallly miserable, but I just can't admit it to anyone.

[Anonymous]

I don’t handle it well.

My children are in both in HS so they aren’t babies and don’t need nannies, but they still have needs and are involved in activities I want to support and be there for (school plays, sports, etc.) My mother lives with us and her memory is quickly becoming worse. I finally got some help during the day so I could keep up with work but as soon as I get home it’s all on me, and weekends are impossible with sports and her care.

[Anonymous]

I don’t & it is tough. I get up at 5:30 am so I can have a tiny window when no one is asking me for something. I read or scroll online mindlessly.

Because after that, it is just a grind of kids to school, work, exercise, dealing with kid/mom/DH/house/car/pet issues, then grocery shopping/cooking/cleaning laundry/homework help/planning/researching/
handling today’s crisis/whatever, then bed.

[Anonymous]

I sleep 5 hrs/night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is in assisted living nearby and I hired additional help. I still have to take her to appointments, dinner, etc, and field multiple calls a day but I try to maintain boundaries. Usually not more than 2x/week, plus paperwork time. She has alzheimers so no idea where its heading. my father is on the other side of the country and has always chosen his wife (stepmom) over me/siblings, so I dont really have any responsibilities there. We now have weekly cleaners, but what I really needed was more like a housekeeper/helper who would do laundry, tidy, organize closets, our cleaners just...clean...and I go crazy for an hour before they coe. there's still all the laundry and tidying and bills and financial planning (all on me, though dh does some laundry), the driving (more DH), the shopping and cooking.

My kids are 12 and 14. I dont think I am a very good parent anymore. We are trying though. My son, who is on the spectrum, has no friends really and a lot of needs, though at this point we mostly manage therapy and a few activities he tolerates. We haven't built a community around us (we moved here a few years ago) and are isolated. My daughter is very self sufficient, but also detaching from us. I feel bereft at times, like a failure as a parent. THey spend a lot of time on screens. They do not engage with each other or us very much anymore. Was it because we moved? because I worked instead of staying home? are we just horrible parents?(We both have pretty dysfunctional families of origins and have tried to be better than our parents, but not sure that's saying much).

As for time for myself, I guess weekends and an hour or so at night after dinner, since kids now no longer need us to put them to bed. but I dont do anything productive with it. I am a very occasional exerciser, and always behind on bills, and have let go of things like gardening, self improvement, fancy cooking, reading in depth, etc. instead its dcum and random scrolling and walking the dog. DH has more time. His job is wfh, and very flexible, and not really full time. He goes to an exericse class 4x/week and makes it a priority. Does a hobby with a good friend. I should do something as well but I haven't. I have no energy to get up at 5 am, which is the only time I ca do it (he does evenings, when I am in charge of dinner and driving). And, sadly, I have no friends here. We moved here 4 years ago and for the first time in my life I"mnot social. I have no energy, and honestly people where we are seem insular. (we are not in dc anymore). I've tried, and finally just...ugh. I dont fit in with the 'mom scene' at school since I work too much to do the pta shit, and I dont have friends at work (wrong age I guess), and our neighborhood is either really young with babies or retired, and we dont go to church soo...

I feel extremely extremely blech. I feel I should do much more for my kids than I do. Help them get involved. or something. and more for myself, but I am too tired.

yikes, sorry , this turned into a horrible "woe is me" rant. I am actuallly miserable, but I just can't admit it to anyone.

You sound like an amazingly kind and compassionate person. If I lived near you I'd want to be your friend. Sending you hugs.