Should I give up tenured professor position to help DH move higher?

[Anonymous]

I need some advices on whether I should give up my career to help DH move higher.

I am a tenured full professor making about 190k and my DH's career skyrocketed past couple years and now is in an EVP position in corporate making around 7 figures. We have four young children but between outsourcing for help and my flexible hours, we managed to make it work while keeping both our careers in track. However, for my DH to progress further, the fastest way is for him to take an international position within his own company for 3-5 years, which means I may need to give up my job if the family needs to move with him.

I am not sure what to do in this situation. On one hand, I love my job, feel respected in my institution, and find the research part intellectually stimulating and the teaching part very rewarding. The job is cushy with good benefits (we are on my health insurance), amazing flexibility, and summer/winter off. On the other hand, I also know that my earnings/growth has pretty much plateaued as I am not interested in moving into admin nor have the time to become a superstar in my field while my DH still has room for growth. But if I do give up and move overseas, it would be very hard to get back into academia as the job market is super competitive.

I know we are very privileged to even be in this position, but what do you think I should do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

The obvious solution is to let him travel and you stay home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Why does your husband need to progress more? It sounds like you're in a fantastic situation right where you are.

No, I would not give up your job!

[Anonymous]

Your job is the cushiest possible! Keep it.

Any way your uni will let you go on a 3 year sabbatical/leave? Many will work with you, I bet my husband could arrange this with his.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. Why do you need more than you already have? Not unless you wanted to do this and move abroad.

[Anonymous]

Move to the next level. You have been there done that in academia. It's a great big world out there, and in a couple years I think you will be surprised that you had even considered staying. We all get stuck competing in tournaments (human nature) while rarely examining whether this is the tournament in which we even want to compete.

Using some counterfactual visualization may be helpful. If you had a fulfilling life living abroad as your husband rockets forward in his career, would you give it up to have a tenured professorship, which you had already experienced before?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give up a tenured position, unless you hated it for some unrelated reason.

[Anonymous]

Do not give up your job! Tenured positions are hard and harder to come by and the benefits are so good.

+1 to the PP asking why he needs to continue to progress more. I think you have a perfect situation now.

If he must progress now for some reason (ego?) then he should do it and you and the kids should travel with to him on summers/breaks for the next few years as you can.

If you're thinking about leaving your job, at least take a sabbatical first and see how it goes before you quit to follow him outright.

[Anonymous]

For academic positions, shouldn’t you have an option to take (unpaid) leave of absence? People also do this for external service. This is of course if his assignment or posting is time bound. If more permanent, looking for an academic position overseas might also be an option. Finally, I know people who teach for a semester then return. Maybe you can offer to teach virtually (might be easier to do for grad level classes).

Not sure if this is all black and white.

[Anonymous]

Can you take sabbatical and/or a visiting professorship? Don't give up tenure! Make it work

[Anonymous]

I’d take a sabbatical and then guest professor teach abroad.

What about the children? Is going to school elsewhere for 3-4 years OK or are they old enough that will be two massive disruptions to their academics and social and athletics?

He has a volatile job, you do not. Together it’s good: high income/volatile, medium income/security/flexilbilty.

[Anonymous]

Ask to teach virtually as other PP suggested. Continue with your research while overseas. Come up with a concrete plan to present to your bosses/admin that keeps your job and allows you to return to campus in 2-3 years.

[Anonymous]

You worked your whole life to be were you are. You are satisfied there and enjoy it. Don’t give that up. There’s no guarantees with life but you seem great in your position. Visit DH over summer and winter breaks. It’s only 3 years.

[Anonymous]

What does your husband think? Is this something he really, really wants to do or is he like, up to you, I'm cool either way?

[Anonymous]

I think people are missing the point here, because they already imagine a tenured professorship to be some sort of unobtainium. But that's just the demographic of this board. Lots of people, from all walks of life and types of success, wouldn't take a tenured professorship if you forced it down their throats. If you were the Queen of England, or Serena Williams, or Taylor Swift you would give exactly zero f*cks about retaining some comparatively dull tenured professorship.

You are about to break orbit from middle-class strivership. You've made it. Don't let class assumptions hold you back.