Feeling hopeless and heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Not looking for judgement maybe just support

Living with an 11 year old ADHD, Mood Disorder, Anxiety, ODD has torn my family apart. We have no real choice but to separate our other child from this trauma. This causes a separation in our family. I am left alone dealing with her and missing my other child and husband. Yesterday she destroyed my house again, throwing lotion, perfume, mouth wash all over the floor. After she calmed she cleaned it up. Then at 3:00 I was up to hear her threatening to kill me because I wouldn’t give her access to the internet. It’s going to be a long day. I will be here trying to be consistent with restrictions based on behaviors and will spend the majority of my day locked in my room, the only place I feel safe. A real prisoner in my home. Before judgement- we have therapist, psychiatrist, medication, at a non public, have tried two hospitalizations, kicked out of PHP, did a 6 week in home program…. Feeling helpless trapped and so heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Can you send her away for a psychologic hold?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I’ve also been a prisoner in my own home often. Sometimes there are no answers. When your child is a bit older the juvenile justice system will be able to provide support but having your child be taken away by the police is its own kind of hell. Do what you need to so that you’re safe.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP.

Was the internet restriction a consequence/punishment?

Does your child like to read? Are there e-readers that aren't browsers that could give her access to books without you needing to monitor web use?

The internet is addicting but also can help someone calm down and avoid intrusive thoughts. I am naively wondering if you can use books for this purpose.

[Anonymous]

Internet needs to go, like forever.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Now that you’re alone with your daughter, have you formulated a safety plan for yourself? Since you’re on your own, if you haven’t made a plan, you should. 911 takes time to respond and a lot of harm can come to you during the wait.

[Anonymous]

OP-

We have tried two hospitalizations and have found them to bring more trauma than help. Our last experience was extremely traumatic. I also know this may be an option we have no choice but to reconsider.

We don’t allow the internet but she requests it frequently and that is what happened at 3:00 am today.

Unfortunately she does not like to read books.

The only real safety plan I have is to lock myself in my bedroom. We have no weapons in the home and have our cooking knives and medication in a locked cabinet.

[Anonymous]

Sending you good thoughts. You are amazingly strong to deal with this. Feel free to write here whenever you need to vent

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you and your loved ones are living in pain, OP. The world can be so harsh and unforgiving to parents like you.

Are there support groups and coaches to guide parents with defiant and violent children through their options?

I've heard of parents who terminated their parental rights for their affected child and let them be institutionalized by the state. I know that's a scary and extreme option. How do you feel about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-

We have tried two hospitalizations and have found them to bring more trauma than help. Our last experience was extremely traumatic. I also know this may be an option we have no choice but to reconsider.

We don’t allow the internet but she requests it frequently and that is what happened at 3:00 am today.

Unfortunately she does not like to read books.

The only real safety plan I have is to lock myself in my bedroom. We have no weapons in the home and have our cooking knives and medication in a locked cabinet.

You may not be at this point yet, but what will you do if she breaks into your room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry you and your loved ones are living in pain, OP. The world can be so harsh and unforgiving to parents like you.

Are there support groups and coaches to guide parents with defiant and violent children through their options?

I've heard of parents who terminated their parental rights for their affected child and let them be institutionalized by the state. I know that's a scary and extreme option. How do you feel about it?

New poster. There is no mechanism in law for self termination of your parental rights and no mechanism to have your child raised by the state. This is myth.

[Anonymous]

OP-

I am not sure what I would do if the door breaks but it is a solid wood door and we did put in a deadbolt lock so I do feel safe. I have been hit, punched, pushed down, slapped, hair pulled, etc.

I did find one online parent support group that is helpful through the parent’s place. They meet online once every other month.

We also have a system navigator through NAIMI but have not had much luck with actually resources. The biggest barrier being our private insurance. We did do a short term 6 week family preservation program that was helpful but was a short term program.

It just feels like we have no real options and it is heartbreaking. I know it is what I need to do for my other child to separate the two of them but it is heartbreaking, isolating, and I am just so very sad. I don’t have hope left.

[Anonymous]

Please get her a brain scan. Similar facts here, and then a scan showed prefrontal arachnoid cyst. After it was drained (scary), our child is a different person. Sending you a lot love!

[Anonymous]

Is therapeutic boarding school an option?

[Anonymous]

Rule out PANS/PANDAS, Lyme and cat scratch fever. Neuroinflammation found in Bartonella infection is believed to be possible causal agent in schizophrenia (and other mood disorders) presentation.