Am I overreacting on daycare not feeding enough ?

[Anonymous]

DH is three months old and starting daycare twice a week this week. Her feeding is like 5 or 6 times a day with about 3 -4oz each time. She eats more often during daytime about every three hours and sleep 9 hours through the night.

On Tuesday she went to the daycare after finish eating at home. Around 12 the director msg us on the app saying that she refused to take the bottle. My husband and I hurried drive to the daycare to see her. They explained that she didn’t take any milk so my husband feed her bottle there in the room. Like about 2.5 oz. We told them that DH likes to be feed laying on a pillow and showed them what to do ,and we also told them that her schedule should be every three or four hours. The afternoon they tried to feed her again twice but only managed to feed her 2 oz each time which was not terribly bad.

On Thursday yesterday, we feed her at home before dropping off. I checked the app all day and they reported three feedings with 1oz, 0.5 oz and 0.5 oz each time! DH never eat 0.5 oz since born ! I was so worried and felt extremely terrible. When she went home, she smelled like perfume bag all over. We gave her a bath and she kept on crying. Then she drank a whole 4oz bottle without a stop. She seemed so hungry ! What made it even worse was that she ate so fast that she threw up immediately like a water fall!!! I screamed and cried and almost had a panic attack. We washed all bedding and pillow because they were soaked up with formula. She never threw up like that before. Finally We fed her another 5oz before sleep.

I felt so bad and couldn’t sleep the whole night. The question is, we have already signed and paid for the first month with a one month deposit. On the contract it says that they need a one month notice before pulling out. I’m wondering 1, is this normal for daycare to not feed enough like this? 2, if we are going to pull out what shall we do to minimize the loss. Please give your advice. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

This is very common. New environment means baby doesn't want to eat there. They will try hut only so much as they have other babies. Talk to them about their process for introducing new babies to daycare. 3 months old is very young. Could be she doesn't like the smell (you mention perfume smell) could be anything else. Even older kids take 1-2-3 weeks to adjust to new care settings. Have her go but spend as little time as possible given your schedules for the first couple weeks. Dont let her chug 4oz immediately st home. She will throw up. It doesnt make you a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I know transition to daycare is hard and emotional. So I want you to take a step back for a minute. It doesn’t sound like daycare isn’t feeding her (by your accounts they are trying). But rather your baby isn’t wanting to eat while there for some reason.

So I’d focus on it as an adjustment issue rather than assume the worst about the providers there.

I had a baby who wouldn’t take a bottle for nearly five months. It was a lot of stress, but eventually I had to go back to work (initially part time) so my boob couldn’t always be available. We really had to push the issue with taking a bottle and there were some rough days where my son cried. But even if I didn’t go back to work, realistically I couldn’t be the sole source of food forever.

Eventually he calmed down and drank it when he was hungry enough. I realize this isn’t quite the same as your situation, but what I would do is start with shorter days for a transition if possible. So for example, feed a full bottle in the a.m. then drop off for 4 or 5 hours. Even if she doesn’t eat during that time he won’t waste away. Eventually she’ll (hopefully) become more comfortable with the providers and eat there.

If this continues then it’s not a good fit and they may be happy to let you out of your contract so they don’t have to deal with a hungry, crying baby all day.

I’d also ask about their policy regarding fragrances. I’m surprised anyone wears that around sensitive infants.

Re: the throwing up, I know it’s alarming, but we’ve all been there. Babies just projectile vomit sometimes when they eat too fast. In the future if you know she is very hungry, try offering smaller oz broken up over time to avoid this.

Good luck! And ultimately if this place doesn’t work out, it will be ok. Even if you lose a month deposit, that will be a hit now, but a blip over the course of raising a child.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is getting used to being at a daycare. There is a transition period. During this time she might not be eating as much because she is not used to getting fed by strangers. You are placing the blame on daycare not feeding her enough but they can’t force feed her if she won’t take the bottle or eat. Give it time. assure you that soon she will be taking her bottle and they’ll even be asking for more food. Your daughter will also need to get used to eating however daycare feeds her and not on pillows. This is group care and that’s part of the deal.

[Anonymous]

First take some deep breaths. It will be a long parenting journey if you are screaming and crying and having panic attacks over spit up.

The PP has good advice. Talk to the daycare director about your concerns. They've seen so many babies and know what is normal adjustment vs what is concerning. Your baby will adjust and this will just be a blip.

How is your baby doing otherwise at daycare, sleeping? Having a normal amount of diapers and having them changed? Happy or crying? Go with your overall instinct but give it time as well.

[Anonymous]

This is normal OP even though it’s hard. Is there an option she go for a couple of half days next week instead of full day? Just while shes acclimating?
This is what I did with DD although she was a bit older. I stayed the first day and we went for an hour. Next time was drop off 2 hours. Next time half day up until nap. Then a full day.

[Anonymous]

We were thinking about late drop off and early check in in the future but I will ask if they allow for half day as well.

Anonymous wrote:This is normal OP even though it’s hard. Is there an option she go for a couple of half days next week instead of full day? Just while shes acclimating?
This is what I did with DD although she was a bit older. I stayed the first day and we went for an hour. Next time was drop off 2 hours. Next time half day up until nap. Then a full day.

[Anonymous]

She’s a rainbow and this is our first …… I understand that I should be calm but in reality I was just terrified like hell

Anonymous wrote:First take some deep breaths. It will be a long parenting journey if you are screaming and crying and having panic attacks over spit up.

The PP has good advice. Talk to the daycare director about your concerns. They've seen so many babies and know what is normal adjustment vs what is concerning. Your baby will adjust and this will just be a blip.

How is your baby doing otherwise at daycare, sleeping? Having a normal amount of diapers and having them changed? Happy or crying? Go with your overall instinct but give it time as well.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are overreacting. But everything here is normal (if closer to the extreme ends of “normal”) from your baby’s reactions to yours; you both need to adjust. Give it time.

Next time feed slowly, even if the baby is hungry. You’ll get there and so will the baby.

I suspect another place would mean starting all over again with same issues.

[Anonymous]

Poor mom, I know it is hard. and maybe the providers didn’t do a good job making you feel comfortable.

This will be WAY better in a week or two and she will be ok in the mean time.

Give it time.

my son had one teacher who also had a heavy perfume and we were able to laugh about it - he came home smelling like he’d been at bath and body works all day. It will not be so bad every day.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, we are also looking for a nanny and will try both ways to see which fits us the best.

it makes it even harder when I am still dealing with ppd. I got a score of 15 out of 20 at the ob office for depression test.

Anonymous wrote:Poor mom, I know it is hard. and maybe the providers didn’t do a good job making you feel comfortable.

This will be WAY better in a week or two and she will be ok in the mean time.

Give it time.

my son had one teacher who also had a heavy perfume and we were able to laugh about it - he came home smelling like he’d been at bath and body works all day. It will not be so bad every day.

[Anonymous]

Op here , just want to add that We toured another daycare and tried one day last week, she was eating as usual , even a little bit more, the only problem was that it was too far from home so we decided to start at this place instead this week.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, we are also looking for a nanny and will try both ways to see which fits us the best.

it makes it even harder when I am still dealing with ppd. I got a score of 15 out of 20 at the ob office for depression test.

Anonymous wrote:Poor mom, I know it is hard. and maybe the providers didn’t do a good job making you feel comfortable.

This will be WAY better in a week or two and she will be ok in the mean time.

Give it time.

my son had one teacher who also had a heavy perfume and we were able to laugh about it - he came home smelling like he’d been at bath and body works all day. It will not be so bad every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here , just want to add that We toured another daycare and tried one day last week, she was eating as usual , even a little bit more, the only problem was that it was too far from home so we decided to start at this place instead this week.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, we are also looking for a nanny and will try both ways to see which fits us the best.

it makes it even harder when I am still dealing with ppd. I got a score of 15 out of 20 at the ob office for depression test.

Anonymous wrote:Poor mom, I know it is hard. and maybe the providers didn’t do a good job making you feel comfortable.

This will be WAY better in a week or two and she will be ok in the mean time.

Give it time.

my son had one teacher who also had a heavy perfume and we were able to laugh about it - he came home smelling like he’d been at bath and body works all day. It will not be so bad every day.

How are you able to "try" out a daycare? Are you in DC?

[Anonymous]

She’s 12 weeks old and sent off to daycare. This is not shocking. Poor thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 12 weeks old and sent off to daycare. This is not shocking. Poor thing.

Hey. Be nice to the mom with PPD and actually all moms and parents who are trying their best with what they have.
Use all that extra energy you have to advocate for longer parental leave instead.