When did you realize what type of adults your kids would be?

[Anonymous]

This is a broad and imprecise question but I don't know how best to ask the question. I have young elementary kids but for parents of adult children, looking back, is there an age/stage of development, where you realize your kids just were who they are and it continued into adulthood? I have little kids, but I'm really curious about when certain aspects of people are set (i.e., they're funny, serious, kind, selfish, smart, hardworking, lazy, exceptional, average, etc.)

I guess it's a take on the nature vs. nurture debate, but I also want to account for parenting choices. If you spoiled your kids early on, is there a point where they just remain entitled? If you exposed them to varied experiences, did they stay curious as adults? Is there an age where it's too late to pivot or really adjust kids development track?

Apologies for the clunky question, but I appreciate anyone who tries to understand what I'm asking and attempts an answer.

[Anonymous]

No, you can't be sure. Kids evolve. My son was very shy and quiet until a certain point in middle school and then got outgoing and became popular and friends with everyone.

My daughter has always been exactly the same from the time she was born until now. Our motto for her since she was a baby has always been "Stay suspicious; judge everyone."

Yeah, if you spoil your kids materialistically you'll create an entitled kid. We have always spoiled our kids with attention.

You can have a kid who's smart and therefore lazy and they might stay that way or they might kick it into high gear at some point to see where their smarts can take them if they work hard. Kids can be exceptional at something but choose not to go down that path because it doesn't interest them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you can't be sure. Kids evolve. My son was very shy and quiet until a certain point in middle school and then got outgoing and became popular and friends with everyone.

My daughter has always been exactly the same from the time she was born until now. Our motto for her since she was a baby has always been "Stay suspicious; judge everyone."

Yeah, if you spoil your kids materialistically you'll create an entitled kid. We have always spoiled our kids with attention.

You can have a kid who's smart and therefore lazy and they might stay that way or they might kick it into high gear at some point to see where their smarts can take them if they work hard. Kids can be exceptional at something but choose not to go down that path because it doesn't interest them.

Gotcha. Parenting is the wildest experience

[Anonymous]

In my view: 7 - 12 is childhood. At 13 on, who they are going to be is much more obvious to others.

They were, however, from birth always on the path to become who they were going to be. I don't think parents can take credit nor should accept blame - outside of the responsibility to provide a stable home environment.

[Anonymous]

Not until they were adults- 20 and up. They kind of slow down and settle into themselves. They have new life experiences under their belt that does the final shaping if you will.

[Anonymous]

My son was who he was from birth - as a baby we called him the admiral because he was so bossy. Just a take charge, organized and bright kid - gets away with it because he always had a really cute sense of humor - he is very successful now and it's not at all a surprise. Our daughter was shy and a little awkward as a child and now is the life of a party and very driven. I would say she most resembles her HS self. She really bloomed her senior year of HS once her bossy brother was out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Maybe their personality doesn't change, but it's hard to predict a trajectory for a kid. My brother was lazy in high school and only cared about his sport. He hardly took any AP classes and got a lot of Bs. He got a 3.95 in college and graduated in the top 10% in law school. That was not predictable until it happened.

[Anonymous]

I have siblings and friends and cousins I’ve known my whole life and they are all evolving. I don’t think I could have predicted exactly, or even somewhat closely, what any of them would have been like at 20, 30, 50.

[Anonymous]

The boys mature later phenomenon is significant. I think late HS for boys is more telling than ES and MS. My DD was pretty formed into who she is now at 21 by 14. Some changes still happening in college for sure, but they are not dramatic.

[Anonymous]

“Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.”

So much of personality is shaped in years 1-5 which we really know so little about.

My siblings and I were all very consistent from childhood into adulthood. Our kids are still younger so haven’t seen it from that perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not until they were adults- 20 and up. They kind of slow down and settle into themselves. They have new life experiences under their belt that does the final shaping if you will.

In my experience, this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not until they were adults- 20 and up. They kind of slow down and settle into themselves. They have new life experiences under their belt that does the final shaping if you will.

Agree. And their life choices in their 20's set them on a more concrete path. Before that some traits and characteristics emerge early, but they may or may no longer be dominant by the time the child reaches 25 due to life experiences, peer influence, exposure to new people, paths chosen and not chosen, mental health etc.

[Anonymous]

When they became adults is when I knew what they would be like. And they continue to grow as adults based on their experiences just like everyone else. I am much different in many ways now than I was 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe their personality doesn't change, but it's hard to predict a trajectory for a kid. My brother was lazy in high school and only cared about his sport. He hardly took any AP classes and got a lot of Bs. He got a 3.95 in college and graduated in the top 10% in law school. That was not predictable until it happened.

+1
This was my younger brother too. The laziest student all thought K-12. I was the good student and I had this distinct feeling that this kid was going to have to live with me when he was an adult because he was going to be homeless.

He turned it around somehow. I think he founded what interested and motivated him in college and now he's a director at a large company.

[Anonymous]

Hard to tell. My HS friends and cousins evolved in most unpredictable ways. One of them was extremely high achieving and goal oriented. Went to Ivy. Ended up as a stay home wife (not a mom) with a serious drinking problem. She is doing better now, though. But honestly she is a very different kind of adult from what everyone expected.

Some who were complete airheads and dropouts are actually doing amazingly well. Families, careers etc. I honestly think you can’t tell until your kid actually becomes an adult.