Calls from the teacher

[Anonymous]

*** Posted in Teens and Tweens

DS is 16 and a sophomore. His grades are not the best and we've been course correcting since the start of the school year. We have suspected that he is not paying attention in class and not motivated. We've received 3 phone calls throughout the year about DS not paying attention, being disruptive, using earbuds and being on his phone. We took the phone today and there was some action (snap), but not a whole lot. We did find a VPN app.

We are absolutely heartbroken that after multiple conversations, intervention (tutoring twice a week) and consequences that DS is just not getting it. He is not taking school seriously and the disrespectful attitude is appalling to us. Today we received the 3rd call and we're determined to make it crystal clear to DS this time around.
Other than the issues above, DS is generally respectful at home, does not do drugs/drink and is generally enjoyable to be around.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

What is "disruptive", exactly? Was he trying to fight another student or was he cussing at the teacher or was he talking with classmates and refusing to stop? For the first two, I'd be revoking driving privileges if it happens again. For the phone and earbuds, take the earbuds. He can earn them back if he brings you decent grades on assessments and assignments that week and submits his work on time and there are no more phone calls from the school. If you want him to have a phone in case of emergency, either get him a flip phone that can call/ text only his parents or put an app on his phone that restricts its usage to calling/texting parents only during the school day.

I will say it's rare for HS teachers to make phone calls to parents in most cases so you're right to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Is there any possibility DC has some form of depression ? And might it make sense to see if DC would talk with a child Psychiatrist or a clergy member or a trustworthy adult (at school, elsewhere) ?

[Anonymous]

A teacher does not have time to call at the middle or high school level unless it is bad.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t get to take a phone to school unless it is a basic flip phone that you buy for him to be able to call home. You need to talk to his guidance counselor and his teachers to find out what is going on. You need to meet with them, with him, you get more information. It could be that he needs an evaluation to see if he is suffering from undiagnosed LD or ADD, or he may be in classes with disruptive kids or weak behavior management strategies. Find out exactly what is going on so you can problem-solve. Start with the guidance counselor. You also want to be sure that the guidance counselor hand picks his teachers for next year so that they are a good fit for him.

Find out exactly what is going on in terms of how work is assigned, turned in, and graded. He may have organizational challenges that are making it hard for him. And ask him what he likes and finds hard about each class, emphasizing that you aren’t judging him, just trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

I’d want to know why my child doesn’t have the mental stamina to stay attentive during a 45-90 minute period of time. Is he over-tired? Does he lack the fortitude to endure less-preferred activities? Is he fatigued or depressed? Sounds like a mental or physical health intervention may be merited.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to post a new thread? Everyone told you in the old thread that you need to start being an actual parent to a kid who obviously needs a lot more parenting, and take the phone permanently. Then he won’t be on it all day. What is your question in this new thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to post a new thread? Everyone told you in the old thread that you need to start being an actual parent to a kid who obviously needs a lot more parenting, and take the phone permanently. Then he won’t be on it all day. What is your question in this new thread?

Why are you so rude? Maybe OP came here to seek reprieve.