Would you be concerned if your boyfriend sent you a "joke" about how men cheat on women?

[Anonymous]

For reference, we're both in our 20s so we communicate a lot with memes and online humor. Anyway, today he sent me a meme about a man who is lying to his girlfriend, promising commitment while talking to lots of other girls. This is a bit of a trigger for me as we recently had a discussion about him still talking with exgirlfriends, all of whom he claims to be just friendly with, and has shown me his texts. But I still find it a bit weird he wants to talk to various ex girlfriends and ex hookups. He told me it was just a joke and he didn't mean anything by it but I feel bad about it.

I dont know if I'm being crazy or this is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

[Anonymous]

Context matters. By itself it has no meaning, it depends on who he is, why he thinks it's funny, why he shared it.

I've been married 10 years and yesterday I sent my DH, who I love, a meme that was like "Ladies of you find a man who is always there for you, makes sure you're never hungry, and responds immediately when you text... that's not a man, that's the McDonalds app." He found it hilarious because it was basically an inside joke about how I have a secret and fervent live of McDonald's even though I know I'm supposed to be like "ugh, what trash, I'd never eat there" like other UMC professionals in DC.

It didn't occur to him that it was me trying to say he doesn't respond quickly enough to texts or isn't there for me. That wasn't the part of the meme I related to not why I found it funny.

Obviously you don't know your boyfriend as well as I know my husband (or vice versa) but it might be worth it to find out if maybe you misinterpreted what he found funny about this meme and why he shared it with you, instead of jumping to conclusions. Meme sharing is not always the most direct method of communication!

[Anonymous]

Given the context, yes, I would be concerned. And I have no issues with married people chatting with exes. But here... red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Context matters. By itself it has no meaning, it depends on who he is, why he thinks it's funny, why he shared it.

I've been married 10 years and yesterday I sent my DH, who I love, a meme that was like "Ladies of you find a man who is always there for you, makes sure you're never hungry, and responds immediately when you text... that's not a man, that's the McDonalds app." He found it hilarious because it was basically an inside joke about how I have a secret and fervent live of McDonald's even though I know I'm supposed to be like "ugh, what trash, I'd never eat there" like other UMC professionals in DC.

It didn't occur to him that it was me trying to say he doesn't respond quickly enough to texts or isn't there for me. That wasn't the part of the meme I related to not why I found it funny.

Obviously you don't know your boyfriend as well as I know my husband (or vice versa) but it might be worth it to find out if maybe you misinterpreted what he found funny about this meme and why he shared it with you, instead of jumping to conclusions. Meme sharing is not always the most direct method of communication!

I asked him what was funny about it and he just said "Babe, it's just a joke! Come on, it's funny!" No real explanation. I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt but this happens all the time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

Glad reality is dawning now, OP. Next time take things slow and watch for the red flags like the 100+ number before you get attached.

Better to get a room in a group house and spend some money on therapy to sort out your picking skills and what dysfunction you may be recreating from the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

Glad reality is dawning now, OP. Next time take things slow and watch for the red flags like the 100+ number before you get attached.

Better to get a room in a group house and spend some money on therapy to sort out your picking skills and what dysfunction you may be recreating from the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

Glad reality is dawning now, OP. Next time take things slow and watch for the red flags like the 100+ number before you get attached.

Better to get a room in a group house and spend some money on therapy to sort out your picking skills and what dysfunction you may be recreating from the past.

Even by DCUM standards this suggestion is bizarre. OP has not posted anything to indicate they have bad "picking skills", especially to the point of needing to be in a group home

[Anonymous]

Red flag.

I used to have a running joke about his “fake” skanky mistress. Anytime he was late or just funny things. He also used to tell me how is college roommate was cheating on his wife and when I’d say that’s awful he’d agree.

Turns out when we were joking about the skank mistress—-there was a skank mistress.

It’s extreme gaslighting. I mean you have lots of sex and joke about it…so no way is it really happening, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For reference, we're both in our 20s so we communicate a lot with memes and online humor. Anyway, today he sent me a meme about a man who is lying to his girlfriend, promising commitment while talking to lots of other girls. This is a bit of a trigger for me as we recently had a discussion about him still talking with exgirlfriends, all of whom he claims to be just friendly with, and has shown me his texts. But I still find it a bit weird he wants to talk to various ex girlfriends and ex hookups. He told me it was just a joke and he didn't mean anything by it but I feel bad about it.

I dont know if I'm being crazy or this is a red flag.

He sucks. You are young enough to find a huy who checks all your boxes and has zero red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

That's a no for me, Dawg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

That's a no for me, Dawg.

The joke is not a red flag but this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

Glad reality is dawning now, OP. Next time take things slow and watch for the red flags like the 100+ number before you get attached.

Better to get a room in a group house and spend some money on therapy to sort out your picking skills and what dysfunction you may be recreating from the past.

Even by DCUM standards this suggestion is bizarre. OP has not posted anything to indicate they have bad "picking skills", especially to the point of needing to be in a group home

I mean, she moved in with a guy who brags about focking 100+ women. That's the kind of guy you bang with a condom and hazmat suit and with the understanding you are one of hundreds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giant red flag. It’s who he is. He’s trying to just be accepted by you the way he is. But if you’re not looking for someone who will want to be with many women, it’s a sign for you to walk away. You have been warned.

I have a very dear friend like this. We dated. He was amazing in bed. But he’s not relationship material as far as I’m concerned. He’s married now and I think his wife knows and tolerates it. She’s ok with it. I don’t judge either of them but it’s just not for me.

You have to decide if that’s the kind of person you can be with.

Thank you. I should add my boyfriend has slept with many, many women (over 100) and told me about it. From the first day I've worried about whether he will ever be satisfied with monogamy, and he's assured me over and over and over that he's 100% serious about me and the other girls dont matter, talks about getting married and having kids. But I truly believe no man who is serious about a woman talks to exgirlfriend/hookups, jokingly mentions his hookups, sends memes about it. It feels like he's playing in my face.

it's a shame because we live together and it's going to take a while for me to untangle myself from him but it's very clear this issue wont go away. It's too bad because he's amazing in bed and very loving, but this constantly happens and clearly it's not something that can be resolved.

Glad reality is dawning now, OP. Next time take things slow and watch for the red flags like the 100+ number before you get attached.

Better to get a room in a group house and spend some money on therapy to sort out your picking skills and what dysfunction you may be recreating from the past.

Even by DCUM standards this suggestion is bizarre. OP has not posted anything to indicate they have bad "picking skills", especially to the point of needing to be in a group home

I mean, she moved in with a guy who brags about focking 100+ women. That's the kind of guy you bang with a condom and hazmat suit and with the understanding you are one of hundreds.

It's not 1970 anymore, Babette. Plenty of people nowadays have slept with lots of people, particularly highly social types who party a lot. Sure it's a fairly high number and could be cause for concern but plenty of people have numbers around that.