First grade bullying - what would you do next

[Anonymous]

We have an almost 7 yr old daughter who is being bullied. Our daughter isn’t very adept at reading social cues and giving others space, which doesn’t help. (She’s not diagnosed as on the spectrum, but does go to OT, a behavioral therapist, and until recently a speech therapist. She saw a developmental ped every 6 months but now that’s annually.). Before it was things like people calling her a baby or saying they didn’t want to play with her, but she had two little girls she was good friends with. Let’s call them A and B. B is new at the school. A and B have also been experiencing some bullying. Yesterday A joined the bullies. She told my daughter that they can’t be friends anymore because my daughter isn’t popular. They took a stuffed animal, acted out cutting its throat, and said “that’s you” and pushed her against a wall. My daughter says she ran and locked herself in the bathroom stall. When the girls convinced her to come out they kicked her. At that point my daughter hit them and was worried she’d be in trouble for that. Somehow / at some point the teacher was aware of this and intervened. She initially didn’t tell us any of this, but when it happened found her older sister who came home and told us about it. A friend of mine was volunteering on campus and saw my younger DD in tears with her teacher and texted me later to see if things were okay.

We’re not in the DMV anymore. We’re at a suburban school with decent resources and not a lot of problematic behavior. When our younger daughter needed an IEP for speech I was impressed with their assessments and support. We already had parent teacher conferences this coming week. I have reached out to the teacher to see if we could schedule more than our scheduled fifteen minutes or if we could meet an additional time. I want to let the principal know what my daughter reported but my husband doesn’t think the principal should be involved - or at least not until we’ve spoken to the teacher. Extreme steps we could take include requesting that she move to another first grade classroom (the other rooms are a kinder / first split and a first / 2nd split) or next year moving her to a different elementary school in our town. She still has A, has some girls she’s been friendly with in the past who I could encourage play dates with, and enjoys kids from older grades at after care. A friend in 2nd was very kind to her yesterday when this all happened. She told me she’s mad and sad but doesn’t seem overly upset (ie is her regular silly self today). Sorry too the very long post but I’d welcome thoughts on next steps.

[Anonymous]

The cutting the neck thing is horrible. If document that in an email to everyone. I’d ask for my child to switch classes.

[Anonymous]

Op here. It was her favorite kind of animal which they all knew (let’s say a camel) so not random.

[Anonymous]

Escalate to principal. Sounds like teacher is overwhelmed and needs more support. The kicking and throat cutting is a big deal, I want to know what the school will do about that to break up that group of kids. I think they should be split into different classrooms. Can the teacher get another aide?

[Anonymous]

Is there a school counselor? I would also request a meeting with that person to come up with some strategies and solutions to the situation.

[Anonymous]

Something similar (except it was a drawing which was the final straw for us) happened to my son last year when he was in first. He is in all the same types of therapies as your DD but is on the spectrum and has an IEP so maybe that made it easier for us to just report to his team which included his assigned assistant principal. We emailed them all and used the word "bullying." I'm not sure where you are now but for us using the term bullying yielded a set of protocols that needed to be followed by the school. They took it seriously and while they couldn't say what happened to the three involved, our son indicated the three were not in the classroom for a number of days so we are assuming some sort of suspension. We also requested the three boys including a former "best friend" not be in his class this year. They honored the request.

All that to say I think you are on the right track to report through the chain. It is not throwing the teacher under the bus at all but rather letting everyone know you are aware of the dynamics and formally requesting a resolution.

[Anonymous]

Why is she bringing stuffed animals to school?

[Anonymous]

WHAT?! I have a first grade daughter, and NONE of what you’re describing sounds at all normal or familiar. At all. The kids in her class laugh at each other if they fart or call each other names sometimes. Sometimes they hit each other if they get mad on the playground. But nothing like what you’re describing. I don’t know what to tell you to do.

[Anonymous]

Physical attacks and threats about cutting her neck (or other serious threats) need to be reported and documented EVERY time.

Hopefully, it was a one time-incident and they’ll leave your daughter alone, but often once bullies have identified a target their behavior persists and may even escalate. You need to notify the school so they can watch for the behavior and so you can establish the history of an ongoing problem.

[Anonymous]

I would not switch classes or schools. Things can always get better or worse. I would encourage play dates, teach your daughter how to deal with bullies, discuss this with the teacher and bring it to your principals attention.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks all. The same school has been very kind / gentle for my older daughter. The toy they pretended to cut wasn’t my daughter’s and I don’t know why they had it at school.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% be reaching out to the principal and the school counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% be reaching out to the principal and the school counselor.

Agree. Be sure to document it in writing (email works) and ask how the school will protect your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Put her in a martial art, preferably a real one like boxing, mma, judo, muay thai, bjj, not strip mall karate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she bringing stuffed animals to school?

That's your reaction to OP's post? Really. You're an idiot.