Touchy teacher … okay or creepy?

[Anonymous]

My kid missed 2 weeks for a surgery and I picked up some materials from the school for her to work on. I saw her science teacher and told him that she enjoyed the subject. He squeezed my arm and said he enjoyed having her as a student.

That’s great that things are going well there, but why did he grab my arm? Why can’t men keep their hands to themselves.

I asked my daughter if any of her teachers ever touch her and she mentioned that her science teacher rubs her back sometimes. She seems fine with it and I understand that she and I have different backgrounds (I’m an abuse survivor; she isn’t).

Thoughts? I am so grossed out with this teacher.

[Anonymous]

I vote: not okay. Hands to yourself as a teacher

[Anonymous]

Back rubbing is considered grooming behavior. That doesn't mean the teacher is a weirdo, only that he wasn't properly trained on this particular topic. When I volunteered for the boy scouts, we were all required to take an online anti-abuse course every year. It was a very useful course and I can't imagine teachers don't have similar training that they need to refresh regularly.

[Anonymous]

Elementary teacher here. Kids hug me allll the time and I hug the back, usually with just one arm, and I don’t bend down to their level. I would only rub their back if they were very very upset.


I don’t think middle and high school teachers should rub anyone’s back.

[Anonymous]

Former High school teacher here,

I agree that it’s grooming behavior and even if this teacher is just clueless it’s normalizing inappropriate touch and not respecting boundaries.

I have taught a lot of ages and the only times I have rubbed a kid’s back was when I taught toddlers and daycare and they were going down for a nap. But high school? No.

[Anonymous]

I would have been pissed if I wasn’t able to flex before he squeezed my arm.

Give your daughter a way out of situations like that. She can say in a loud voice “don’t, I’m really ticklish”. Pretend to jump a mile and yell “you scared me!”

Ask her it’s normal behavior for him and is it just females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I vote: not okay. Hands to yourself as a teacher

This. My husband is a teacher. He would not touch a student. Or anyone else. It's not ok.

[Anonymous]

He’s testing you to see what he can get away with, with your daughter. Sick. Next time he rubs your daughter’s back, if she reacts differently, he will know you talked to her about the inappropriateness of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back rubbing is considered grooming behavior. That doesn't mean the teacher is a weirdo, only that he wasn't properly trained on this particular topic. When I volunteered for the boy scouts, we were all required to take an online anti-abuse course every year. It was a very useful course and I can't imagine teachers don't have similar training that they need to refresh regularly.

I vote not necessarily. If a kid is upset/hysterical, it is to help calm them down. Many female teachers do this naturally. I would think most male teachers would know not to do this to a student though.

[Anonymous]

Definitely creepy.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for creepy.

I've always hated people who aren't very close friends or relatives touching me. A teacher (not mine) came up behind me when I was 9 and put her arms around me. I stiffened up like a board. She said, "Well, you're not very flexible." WT actual F.

Teach your daughter how to deal with this teacher.

[Anonymous]

My 7th grade science teacher, who liked to run girls’ shoulders as he walked through the room checking our work, was arrested decades later.
I vote creepy for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elementary teacher here. Kids hug me allll the time and I hug the back, usually with just one arm, and I don’t bend down to their level. I would only rub their back if they were very very upset.


I don’t think middle and high school teachers should rub anyone’s back.

+1 to all of this. When I was growing up we never touched a teacher, much less hugged one. Now I get hugs from kids every single day.

What grade is this, OP?

[Anonymous]

A teacher rubbing a high school student’s back is totally inappropriate and creepy.

[Anonymous]

Totally inappropriate and creepy. How old is your kid? Is this happening randomly in the classroom--while kids are working? Is she ever alone with him?

It's uncomfortable to have the conversation about grooming but it's necessary. I've told my kids that people like to "push" in small ways to see what they can get away with.

I was groomed like this--also by a science teacher--when I was in 8th grade. It went beyond what you're describing but started in a very similar way ... I was really, really confused about it for years and years and definitely thought I had done something to bring it on. (Looking back as an adult, I definitely did not.) It affected future relationships for me. I'm not trying to scare you but I think you should know that this type of thing can escalate.