Telling donor conceived kids about half siblings

[Anonymous]

At what age did you tell your donor conceived kids about half siblings? My boys are 10. They know they were conceived via donor sperm but haven’t spoken yet about their half siblings. I know they have 3 of them for sure.

[Anonymous]

I’ve told mine about them since childhood. We exchange Christmas cards with the other family I know of and my kids’ donor sib is in our family photo album. I guess it depends on what your relationship with the donor sib families is? And given your kids’ ages if they’ve ever shown any curiousity about their donor or potential donor siblings? Tbh I don’t think it matters that much as long you haven’t lied to them.

[Anonymous]

Now, we adopted and there are 1/2 and full siblings and mine know about them.

[Anonymous]

Best practice is as early as possible. Don't wait any longer. Tell them now and be prepared for whatever reaction you get.

[Anonymous]

No way. These people are not our family.

[Anonymous]

With 23 and me and similar services they may find out for themselves eventually

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. I will do it this year. I do believe they deserve to know. I used an anonymous donor so who knows if they will ever connect with their half siblings or their biological father but they could always do 23 and me when they are 18 or go in the donor sibling registry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I will do it this year. I do believe they deserve to know. I used an anonymous donor so who knows if they will ever connect with their half siblings or their biological father but they could always do 23 and me when they are 18 or go in the donor sibling registry.

With donor sperm, they may have more half siblings than they want to know about.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/08/01/woman-finds-65-half-siblings-sperm-donor/70498194007/

[Anonymous]

About 10 years ago someone phoned my father (in his 70s) and claimed to be some "3rd cousin twice removed" kind of thing and wanted to meet. My father told this person he would call the police if they ever called again. I can't believe you folks put your DNA out there for the public.

[Anonymous]

We’re a same-sex couple and used an anonymous bank donor to conceive. We introduced the idea in infancy via various books about donor conception, donors and donor siblings. They’re still very young have met donor siblings occasionally and different families have used different terms to describe the relationship (siblings, half-siblings, siblings and some just friends).

From my experience queer couples and single parents by choice tend to be way more open with their kids about donor conception and any sibling. Many of us are proactive in these relationships after hearing from adult donor conceived people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. These people are not our family.

They are your child’s biological relatives. And it’s their choice how the view and label the relationship.

You are really going to have to put your feelings on the backside for your children’s well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. These people are not our family.

Your child's half sibling is a member of your family. You may not know them or have a relationship with them, but they are your child's biological family.

It obviously feels threatening to you. That may be something you want to deal with in therapy so that you don't let your own insecurity hurt this child you have created. You knew going into this that your child would have genetic connections to someone other than you. Acknowledging that your child has biological family that you don't know doesn't have to undermine your bond.

I didn't meet one of my genetic half sisters until I was nearly 50, and she and I are very close. Way closer than a new friend acquired at this age. Our children look so much alike and they have a great cousin relationship. By denying the existence of these kin, you are preventing your child from developing what might be very enriching and positive connections that last a lifetime and beyond, into future generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. These people are not our family.

They are your child’s biological relatives. And it’s their choice how the view and label the relationship.

You are really going to have to put your feelings on the backside for your children’s well-being.

+1, some kids will not care at all about that relationship, some will really want the connection. It’s not for the parents to decide.

[Anonymous]

Of course they need to know. God forbid they get into a relationship with one of them unknowingly (which has happened).

[Anonymous]

OP here: for those of you who used an anonymous donor, how did you connect with their half siblings? I have reached out to the clinic where I got the donor sperm but not sure what information if any I will get from them. Did you use the Donor Sibling Registry? I do think my kids need to know even if they decide they never want to connect with half siblings.