+1! She has an answer for everything and actually sounds like an over the top shower-er herself. |
Np here you leave a bed unmade. Probably leave unwashed dishes in the sink. Just messy. |
I would ask how open he is to getting therapy for OCD. Do not have kids with him if he doesnât seem open to treatment. Right now itâs just showers, but OCD gets worse, not better. Some day you may have a newborn who will spit up on you multiple times a day and you may not have the time or energy or desire to shower every day, much less multiple times a day. What if a sick toddler pukes on you in the middle of the night? Is he going to require a full shower before you can get back in bed? |
Did you change those sheets today, OP? If not, why not? |
How is he with dirty dishes in the sink? |
Good question. I bet that if OP is willing to sit down and think through it, she's going to find that he is, at a minimum, incredibly set in his ways, and at worst, controlling, about a lot of other day-to-day things than just (1) showers and (2) bed-making. She should make an actual list and that might wake her up. But since she only came back to be oddly defensive, I doubt she really wants to realize that this is about much bigger problems (control, passive-aggressive communicaton style, "pestering," possible OCD). I pity her and their kids, if she stays and they have children together. I hope she's not so eager to hang onto him and/or eager to have babies, that she can't see that life with kids is going to worsen his ways, not improve them. |
+1 And he likely will expect her to clean that vomit up, and change the sheets, while she's also supposed to get the sick kid back to sleep. His fixations now don't bode well for his turning into a hands-on parent when parenting gets literally messy. OP will possibly end up handling every unpleasant or dirty aspect of parenting, while he wants to handle the fun stuff but not the midnight messes. Sure, we're projecting into a future neither we nor OP can know yet, but she needs to think ahead and do some projecting of her own. |
Actually in some countries it is considered more hygienic to leave a bed with the covers thrown back, to air the sheets. Itâs quite insular to assume your way is the only way. Judge not lest ye be judged. |
It is more hygenic. Sun is a disinfectant. It sterilizes things. |
I read the first few pages. The rest was TL;DR. But my takeaway is that the bf is indeed pretty controlling. It doesn't sound like he's saying that she smells or doesn't feel good to touch when she comes to bed without a shower. It sounds like his argument is: HE likes showering before bed because it makes HIM feel good, and so SHE has to the same. He might as well say, "I like chocolate ice cream best, and therefore my gf must also like chocolate ice cream best." I find that either really immature or psychologically disordered and definitely not something I would put up with. I fundamentally don't understand why his preference about how people should generally behave should override her preference about how she herself wants to behave when her preference doesn't seem to cause him any harm other than undermining either his excessive need for control or his apparent arrogance that he knows best.
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Sheets rolled back is not sheets rumpled and thrown about. We're not in those countries. You are messy and so is Op. |
I love a neat and clean house, but making your bed is easily one of the dumbest practices ever invented, unless you live in a studio or loft apartment. It has no connection to hygiene. It's purely aesthetic, and barely even that since the next time you see your bed is probably when you'll be messing up the covers again to get back in. |
100%- there's no way the guy you've described would be okay going to sleep after sex, even with the morning shower. |
I hate to say it OP, but I think its possible that he is trying to get you to shower because your âjayjay stanks, but heâs afraid to say it. |
Looool |