Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

OP here. This site is so weird.

If I want to work and hire childcare, I’m a bad mother and I shouldn’t even have kids.

But

If I want to stay home and raise my kids in the early years, I’m a dependent, gold digger, and looking for a meal ticket.

Women can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do that you make 180 at 29?

OP here. I’m a CRNA.

OP, that’s a good job. Good for you for pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.

Do not let your middle class upbringing deaf you down. Women born into UMC families with incomes like yours would not dream even for a second of marrying a man who will never make more than $80K.

The issue you are having is that you have an UMC income but are still MC on the inside, so the man who is the right values/personality match for you is not the right income match for you.

You need to understand that people who are born into money highly prioritize money in a mate. You work in a hospital. Go after the men with the higher paying jobs, there are a lot of them around. But they may want someone who has a different kind of breeding. But, you only need one—maybe you can find a man from a similar background who like you now makes more. Medicine is full of self-starters.

[Anonymous]

^drag you down

[Anonymous]

OP - just open a side business with him and appoint him running that family business and being a SAHD. It can make way more money than your nursing long run.

Do you think he can manage it ? Being your true partner raising kids and running a family business ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - just open a side business with him and appoint him running that family business and being a SAHD. It can make way more money than your nursing long run.

Do you think he can manage it ? Being your true partner raising kids and running a family business ?

This is a good idea. There are lots of things he could do to supplement his income. Or maybe he would think about a different job at some point with a higher income. He’s only 30 years old. Seems strange that his income would never go up.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. Have you had this conversation with him? How did it go? I find it hard to believe that there is no potential for his income to grow. How about promotions, getting an advanced degree etc..has he mentioned future plans with you?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are allowed to have your own preferences and priorities and people will doubtless judge you for that. You are entitled to what you want. Don’t feel bad about that, even though this may reduce your dating pool by a few ticks.

Ultimately, this is about agency. I’m sure you know that already. People here will give you advice, one way or the other, but it eventually boils down to your choice. You want a nice, high earning man with whom you can have a few kids and stay at home (which really means staying at home for eight years, not the 3 to 5 you were projecting). At the moment, the thing you are lacking is the high earning guy. You can choose to look for someone else. But you cannot choose to materialize somebody who meets all of these criteria and have them fall in love with you. You have something like six years left to get engaged to such a man, and that means only a few other guys that you get to have a serious relationship with. Only you know whether this guy is so nice or so close to the income threshold that it is worth it. There are lots of guys who may be higher earning, but are much worse life partners. Either way is a gamble with the rest of your life. Which are you more comfortable with, the predictable frustration that you will feel with this guy, or the unknowable downsides to some other guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do that you make 180 at 29?

OP here. I’m a CRNA.

Why do you keep posting the same thing over and over again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edited

You want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

What a cynical outlook! A woman who wants to allow for the possibility of staying home when their children are young is not looking for a meal ticket. The younger generation has been sold a bill of goods that a woman should desire to place her children with another for care 9+ hours per day. Smh

Unless she is planning to save and finance her time spent at home, she is looking for someone else to fund that lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This site is so weird.

If I want to work and hire childcare, I’m a bad mother and I shouldn’t even have kids.

But

If I want to stay home and raise my kids in the early years, I’m a dependent, gold digger, and looking for a meal ticket.

Women can’t win.

Nah, we're just tired of your stupid threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

You mean you want a man to provide that.

Very few men are high enough earners in this area to have a SAHP and provide all those things you list. Why do you think most of us work at least part time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

OP here. I don’t think a woman staying home is a meal ticket. My mom worked very hard to raise 6 kids. They both worked but in different spectrums.

I also don’t plan to quit working forever. If I did stay home, it would only be max of 3-5 years until kids go to school. I don’t see a point in staying home after that.

If you have more than 1 kid it’s much longer than 3-5 years. I have 3 and it will be a total of 11 years from the time the first was born until the third goes to K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edited

You want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

What a cynical outlook! A woman who wants to allow for the possibility of staying home when their children are young is not looking for a meal ticket. The younger generation has been sold a bill of goods that a woman should desire to place her children with another for care 9+ hours per day. Smh

No it’s not cynical. It’s realistic.

Either you want to be a full partner or you want to be a dependent.

Stay home while kids are not in school but go back, few people have kids in daycare for 9 hrs.

For me my kids sleep 3 of the 6 hours they were in the care of others.

Be honest about your intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edited

You want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

What a cynical outlook! A woman who wants to allow for the possibility of staying home when their children are young is not looking for a meal ticket. The younger generation has been sold a bill of goods that a woman should desire to place her children with another for care 9+ hours per day. Smh

No it’s not cynical. It’s realistic.

Either you want to be a full partner or you want to be a dependent.

Stay home while kids are not in school but go back, few people have kids in daycare for 9 hrs.

For me my kids sleep 3 of the 6 hours they were in the care of others.

Be honest about your intent.

Then OP should look at men who make at least same and herself. As otherwise she would be the one financing full time childcare, camps, travel etc.

Men shouldn’t be getting an income break if they don’t accept a concept of stay at home parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

Did you marry a high earner who was ok with you SAH throughout a good chunk of your 40s?