He's 20K from that marker. I make more than that on 1 AirBNB property we own. Seriously, you are very myopic. |
OP, that’s a good job. Good for you for pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. Do not let your middle class upbringing deaf you down. Women born into UMC families with incomes like yours would not dream even for a second of marrying a man who will never make more than $80K. The issue you are having is that you have an UMC income but are still MC on the inside, so the man who is the right values/personality match for you is not the right income match for you. You need to understand that people who are born into money highly prioritize money in a mate. You work in a hospital. Go after the men with the higher paying jobs, there are a lot of them around. But they may want someone who has a different kind of breeding. But, you only need one—maybe you can find a man from a similar background who like you now makes more. Medicine is full of self-starters. |
^drag you down |
OP - just open a side business with him and appoint him running that family business and being a SAHD. It can make way more money than your nursing long run.
Do you think he can manage it ? Being your true partner raising kids and running a family business ? |
This is a good idea. There are lots of things he could do to supplement his income. Or maybe he would think about a different job at some point with a higher income. He’s only 30 years old. Seems strange that his income would never go up. |
I get it, OP. Have you had this conversation with him? How did it go? I find it hard to believe that there is no potential for his income to grow. How about promotions, getting an advanced degree etc..has he mentioned future plans with you? |
OP, you are allowed to have your own preferences and priorities and people will doubtless judge you for that. You are entitled to what you want. Don’t feel bad about that, even though this may reduce your dating pool by a few ticks.
Ultimately, this is about agency. I’m sure you know that already. People here will give you advice, one way or the other, but it eventually boils down to your choice. You want a nice, high earning man with whom you can have a few kids and stay at home (which really means staying at home for eight years, not the 3 to 5 you were projecting). At the moment, the thing you are lacking is the high earning guy. You can choose to look for someone else. But you cannot choose to materialize somebody who meets all of these criteria and have them fall in love with you. You have something like six years left to get engaged to such a man, and that means only a few other guys that you get to have a serious relationship with. Only you know whether this guy is so nice or so close to the income threshold that it is worth it. There are lots of guys who may be higher earning, but are much worse life partners. Either way is a gamble with the rest of your life. Which are you more comfortable with, the predictable frustration that you will feel with this guy, or the unknowable downsides to some other guy? |
Why do you keep posting the same thing over and over again? |
Unless she is planning to save and finance her time spent at home, she is looking for someone else to fund that lifestyle. |
Nah, we're just tired of your stupid threads. |
You mean you want a man to provide that. Very few men are high enough earners in this area to have a SAHP and provide all those things you list. Why do you think most of us work at least part time? |
If you have more than 1 kid it’s much longer than 3-5 years. I have 3 and it will be a total of 11 years from the time the first was born until the third goes to K. |
No it’s not cynical. It’s realistic. Either you want to be a full partner or you want to be a dependent. Stay home while kids are not in school but go back, few people have kids in daycare for 9 hrs. For me my kids sleep 3 of the 6 hours they were in the care of others. Be honest about your intent. |
Then OP should look at men who make at least same and herself. As otherwise she would be the one financing full time childcare, camps, travel etc. Men shouldn’t be getting an income break if they don’t accept a concept of stay at home parent |
Did you marry a high earner who was ok with you SAH throughout a good chunk of your 40s? |