Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am attracted to someone else.

Gross.

NP. Weird judgment. It's normal and common. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but acting like you're "above" it or something is bizarre and probably a good indicator that life is going to hit you and your black & white thinking hard some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am attracted to someone else.

Gross.

NP. Weird judgment. It's normal and common. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but acting like you're "above" it or something is bizarre and probably a good indicator that life is going to hit you and your black & white thinking hard some day.

Still gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am attracted to someone else.

Gross.

NP. Weird judgment. It's normal and common. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but acting like you're "above" it or something is bizarre and probably a good indicator that life is going to hit you and your black & white thinking hard some day.

Still gross.

Gross would be acting on the attraction.

[Anonymous]

Spouse wouldn’t support me working with young kids and dumped all of the kids’ medical/sick care on me, then whined when I got sick and didn’t put out for four days in a row.

He’s one of the best husbands I’ve ever met even so, and has a habit of defending this by pointing that out, so I chose not to dwell. Plenty of women would happily take my place before burning out and I know this. He’s 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frequently starts unnecessary projects or embarks on side hustles without considering the true cost to herself, anyone else, or the household. Leaves previous projects unfinished when they are no longer the new shiny thing.

Any chance that there is mania?

Sounds more like adhd to me. I am guilty of this.

[Anonymous]

Unemployed for 3+ years
Drinks a 6 pack a night
Watches YouTube on his phone for half the day with earbuds
The other half is spent playing video games
Sexually disconnected
Never leaves the house, and I get ZERO privacy of any kind
I have not received a gift for any occasion in 3 years
I pay ALL the bills, grocery shop, parent, and cook... basically run the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse wouldn’t support me working with young kids and dumped all of the kids’ medical/sick care on me, then whined when I got sick and didn’t put out for four days in a row.

He’s one of the best husbands I’ve ever met even so, and has a habit of defending this by pointing that out, so I chose not to dwell. Plenty of women would happily take my place before burning out and I know this. He’s 45.

If you need permission to see him for who he is and not who he pretends to be and you’d like to believe he is, I hereby give you that permission.

He doesn’t sound like “one of the best.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unemployed for 3+ years
Drinks a 6 pack a night
Watches YouTube on his phone for half the day with earbuds
The other half is spent playing video games
Sexually disconnected
Never leaves the house, and I get ZERO privacy of any kind
I have not received a gift for any occasion in 3 years
I pay ALL the bills, grocery shop, parent, and cook... basically run the house

This deserves a spin-off thread called "my spouse adds zero value to our relationship". I'm sorry PP.

[Anonymous]

Politics. For a while I thought it would result in a divorce because he wasn’t just on a different page but liked to argue incessantly about it. It’s been pretty quiet but I have a feeling it will ramp up again soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unemployed for 3+ years
Drinks a 6 pack a night
Watches YouTube on his phone for half the day with earbuds
The other half is spent playing video games
Sexually disconnected
Never leaves the house, and I get ZERO privacy of any kind
I have not received a gift for any occasion in 3 years
I pay ALL the bills, grocery shop, parent, and cook... basically run the house

WHY are you married to someone like this? You only get one life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse wouldn’t support me working with young kids and dumped all of the kids’ medical/sick care on me, then whined when I got sick and didn’t put out for four days in a row.

He’s one of the best husbands I’ve ever met even so, and has a habit of defending this by pointing that out, so I chose not to dwell. Plenty of women would happily take my place before burning out and I know this. He’s 45.

If you need permission to see him for who he is and not who he pretends to be and you’d like to believe he is, I hereby give you that permission.

He doesn’t sound like “one of the best.”

He is. I don’t have HPV or any other common viral STD of my generation. That’s how I know.

The day that changes, I’ll give up on him, but that is rare in this generation. Or so all my doctors tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse wouldn’t support me working with young kids and dumped all of the kids’ medical/sick care on me, then whined when I got sick and didn’t put out for four days in a row.

He’s one of the best husbands I’ve ever met even so, and has a habit of defending this by pointing that out, so I chose not to dwell. Plenty of women would happily take my place before burning out and I know this. He’s 45.

If you need permission to see him for who he is and not who he pretends to be and you’d like to believe he is, I hereby give you that permission.

He doesn’t sound like “one of the best.”

He is. I don’t have HPV or any other common viral STD of my generation. That’s how I know.

The day that changes, I’ll give up on him, but that is rare in this generation. Or so all my doctors tell me.

DP here...maybe I'm old, but is the bar really set so low these days that "doesn't have any diseases" makes somebody a great husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Untreated ADHD

+ a million. And then add in binge drinking, misuse of Adderall and failure to deal with baggage from his upbringing.

The upbringing stuff is hard.....no, difficult....no, impossible. The immense, consistent, blatant and constant and consistent lack of respect between his parents, their basically hating each other and living volatile, hate filled, antagonistic, spiteful, mean spirited, passive aggressive, truly miserable lives under the same roof - and this was at the beginning of their marriage, which was not long to begin with. Add a bunch of kids (because checking off boxes, in spite of severe incompetence and "we wouldn't want anyone thinking we were/are a lesbian, would we?"), and it is pure hate throughout the entire household. Of course it channeled down to and amongst and between the kids!

Great times when you throw in lack of empathy, emotion and communication. Sign me up! What I will never understand is DH's need to channel their miserable life, even though DH doesn't even like these people. I get it, it is all DH knows, but my God - learn from the misery. The family being drama prone and half having ADD/ASD makes it complicated, especially because they will not seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse wouldn’t support me working with young kids and dumped all of the kids’ medical/sick care on me, then whined when I got sick and didn’t put out for four days in a row.

He’s one of the best husbands I’ve ever met even so, and has a habit of defending this by pointing that out, so I chose not to dwell. Plenty of women would happily take my place before burning out and I know this. He’s 45.

If you need permission to see him for who he is and not who he pretends to be and you’d like to believe he is, I hereby give you that permission.

He doesn’t sound like “one of the best.”

He is. I don’t have HPV or any other common viral STD of my generation. That’s how I know.

The day that changes, I’ll give up on him, but that is rare in this generation. Or so all my doctors tell me.

DP here...maybe I'm old, but is the bar really set so low these days that "doesn't have any diseases" makes somebody a great husband?

Yup. No abuse, no lying, no breaking of vows, no addictions, no guilt trips over our income disparity, and we are getting better at caring for each other with every passing year. That’s all I expect so I’m happy. I don’t expect perfection.

[Anonymous]

Fat wife.