My mom just had her visa denied... I need to vent! Long post warning...

[Anonymous]

I'm in tears as I write this. Screw anonimity on DCUMoms I just need to vent.
I'm pregnant with our first. DH and I are both first generation immigrants and our closest relative lives 9 hours away in another country.
DH travels for work and he's out 15 days and stays around for 4 days. I'm a full time student taking a break when baby arrives. I'm not allowed to work due to visa regulations so I'll be a SAHM.
We spent months (and a little fortune) gathering documentation to apply for my mom's visa so she could come to be with me during the first weeks with the new baby. Mom has a B degree back home. She's a retired systems analyst but works PT as a manager in a grocery store (big chain like Safeway). My dad is a sales consultant for a petroleum company. My brother is a late 20's single guy finishing his MBA in the best business school in our country. In our culture the kids only leave the parent's home once they get married and the dad is considered the main provider while the woman is supposed to dedicate her time mainly to the family. If she wants to work out of the house she's considered brave and very respected. So right there plenty of reasons why my mom has no intent to come to the US to work ilegally.
Back to the topic: Today my mom went to the American Embassy to have her visa interview and the visa was denied. I'll skip the whole "hours of standing in line outside under the sun" thing and go straight to the point:
The interview didn't last 3 minutes. The Consular Agent started asking the reason for her trip and she said "I want to be there to witness the birth of my first grandchild". He was silent reading his computer screen for a long while.
He asks mom what kind of visa I have and mom says "student".
Again silence and staring at the computer screen. ( I need to mention that unless you've been there there's no way to explain how terrifying those minutes of silence are).
He looked at my mom (for the first time since they started the interview) and asked "for how long has your daughter been there?" my mom says "5 years". He cracked up laughing on her face and mocking her he said "what is that? is she in med school or something?"
My mom started crying and said "I have a letter from my son in law here that might explain" and handed him the letter.
The CA didn't even finish reading it and said: sorry ma'am but you're not going to see your daughter at this time. He handed her some papers, turned his back, turned off the microphone and closed the curtains behind the glass divider (yup exactly like the ones they have in prisions).
The letter my husband sent was from our attorney explaining why I needed to be under a diff visa than my husband for so long - I'm not allowed to study FT if I'm under his papers.
She was sobbing as we talked on the phone. I've been through this process a couple times also and know exactly how humiliating it can be even though my visas were never denies. It was terrible hearing her crying through the phone and not being able to hold her tight.

Sorry for such a long post but with no family or friends around I just needed to let it go somehow.

Thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could help you-! Your post made me sad, and I feel like giving YOU a hug.
I'm so shocked by the indifference of that CA. I don't understand why your mom was given such a hard time about wanting to be with her own daughter and about to be born grandchild :o(
So sorry that I can't help you somehow; just know that I care.
I don't care about anonimity either; my name is Betsy.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Please keep us updated!

[Anonymous]

I am sorry - these visa people can be terrible. Abuses of power are rampant and you feel so helpless in the face of it. You are far from alone in experiencing this. Maybe you can go over for a long visit when the baby is a couple of months old?

[jsteele]

My family has been through nearly the exact scenario. I wrote several messages about our experience in the Cameroon thread.

It is really discouraging to go through this sort of thing and I am very sorry for you. The heartlessness that can be shown by consular officials really has to be experienced to be believed. These people are the worst possible representatives of our country. The visa process is so unfair and arbitrary. I really can't imagine why consular officers seem to have such an universal fear of old women.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry too.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps allow this thread to play out and then print and send it along with a well-worded letter to someone higher up at the visa office and cc any office or official you deem potentially helpful. Or if including the thread isn't something you want to do, at the very least draft a letter. Of course, if you're concerned that doing this would in any way jeoparidize your status, then don't. I'm sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Since it sounds like your husband also isn't a US citizen, could you tap into one of your friends who is? Letters from your Congressional representative's office to the US embassy in your country regarding your mother's visa could help. Do you have any friends, colleagues, or professors with influence or friends on the Hill? It's worth a try.

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your mom. There's no excuse for rude treatment - there is a lot of concern about people overstaying visas, fraud and the like, but your mom should at the very least have the opportunity to plead her case. It sounds like she didn't even have a chance. I hope you can work something out.

[Anonymous]

I have been through the same thing and I can tell you that your husband needs to call his senator! Luckily I was in GA at the time and had a senator (I don't know if you live in DC) and his aide called the embassy and requested that they reconsider. My mom went to the embassy three days later and got her visa. Not only that, but they looked at her as she was walking in and said "hi Ms. So and So, here is your passport. Have a nice trip." I was also a student at the time, waiting for my green card. I strongly encourage you to do this. People don't call on their representatives nearly often enough. Please let me know if you have any more questions and I'll give you my e-mail address.

[Anonymous]

Jeff, I am always going to present the other side when you unfairly smear an entire profession. Sadly, there are places where grandparents come to serve as caretakers for young grandchildren for several years rather than a few months. The denial may have been based on this. However, I do not in any way condone that consular officer's behavior -- it was wrong and would never have been tolerated in the places where I worked.

OP - What is your husband's visa category? If your mother decides to reapply it may help to make that very clear.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry! Your post made me cry because I can only imagine what it would be like to not have my mother there for the birth of my first child. Well, I kinda know since my mother almost didn't make it, but ultimately she made it, but not after me crying because I thought she wasn't going to be there.

Now that she has been denied, how long does she have to wait before she can apply again? Are there any other options? I wish there was some way I could help you...

[Anonymous]

FWIW, something bery similar happened to my SIL. My brother is a US citizen, and he contacted his congressional rep. They were told to gather some additional docs, and the visa was granted when they reapplied (from a country where it's very hard to get a visa). If you're close to someone who's a US citizen, it's certainly worth a try.

[Anonymous]

That is why people come here illegally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff, I am always going to present the other side when you unfairly smear an entire profession. Sadly, there are places where grandparents come to serve as caretakers for young grandchildren for several years rather than a few months. The denial may have been based on this. However, I do not in any way condone that consular officer's behavior -- it was wrong and would never have been tolerated in the places where I worked.

OP - What is your husband's visa category? If your mother decides to reapply it may help to make that very clear.

Just read Cameroon thread again and want to take back my "smear" comment. Sorry, Jeff

[Anonymous]

That is also HOW people come here illegally. From a first generation whose relatives had to do certain things certain ways and there were no exceptions. There are rules for a reason. I know too much to say otherwise, sadly.

[Anonymous]

bump