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dh left baby on curb to get on bus...
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Anonymous
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DH and I got in a big fight tonight. I took the car so for the first time he took DS, who is still in the infant seat/snap and go combo (3 months), on the bus. I've complained that its a pain because I have trouble carrying it all on the bus. He was telling a friend tonight that it wasn't so bad at all, although he got on the bus, put the stroller down and turned to get the baby--who was still on the curb in the infant seat--and the doors closed and the bus started moving. He yelled at the driver and got the baby without the bus moving away. Upon hearing this I got really upset and asked him why he didn't put the baby on first and then retrive the stroller and he insisted that his way was much smarter--that if he put the baby on the bus first the bus could go without him, whereas if he got on the bus first he could yell at the driver. Unfortunately, this escalated into a big fight about trust, baby care, etc.---he accused me of being a control freak and not trusting him. We have been having these problems a lot and I do have some control issues; on the other hand I can't get the picture of our baby on the curb while the bus drives away out of my mind.
Am I nuts for being so upset about this? and, more generally, have other couples experienced serious conflict when baby came around? Its the first time I've actually thought we had a real problem in our marriage. |
Anonymous
| I think if I took the bus regularly with a baby I would buy an Ergo. Your DH is crazy to leave the baby on the curb. |
Anonymous
| It's not even my baby and I can't get the picture out of my mind... I would go crazy too. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, neither situation sounds good to me - I would want the baby to always be in the same place as me, so either we're on the curb together or on the bus together.
So I agree with 00:15. If you've got so much stuff to move that you need to make multiple trips to get it all onto the bus, I would definitely invest in some kind of carrier. |
Anonymous
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What if the seat had fallen UNDER the bus or had gotten caught on the bus somehow? A friend's daughter had her backpack get caught in the door and was dragged by the school bus, you never know.
Your husband sounds dippy, careless, out to prove you wrong and defensive. I'd get a carrier too. Problem is that it's even worse to split and have your child with a person you don't have confidence in as much as 1/2 of the time without you even being there. |
Anonymous
| I rode the bus with our baby in the Graco carrier and, heavy though she was in tha |
Anonymous
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that bulky seat, I never let go of go. I had the diaper slung around me, her in the car seat in one arm, and the folded Snap n' Go frame clutched in the other. Usually someone helped me but if not, I did it alone.
If DH cannot see that he has done something breathtakingly dangerous I would not let him take the baby on the bus anymore. |
Anonymous
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I agree with your husbands logic.
But I completely disagree that he handled things correctly. The baby and he never should have been separated! Ie, neither the baby on the bus without him, or the baby on the sidewalk without him. If it has to be one way or the other then I'd probably opt for him on the bus, but I'd be *livid* if my partner did either version. Invest in a baby carrier or an easier/lighter/smaller stroller. |
Anonymous
So YOU usually take the bus and the baby? If so, although it's a pain, I'd continue to do so. Or - if you're usually the one with the baby, why can't you have the car so that you can take the baby in the car seat? (Are work schedules and parking a problem?) Your husband does sound dippy. |
Anonymous
| No harm was done, he learned something. Actually, I'm surprised he even told you that it happened, knowing how upset you'd be. This is not the first time this has happened to someone, somewhere. |
Anonymous
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that's another reason why I hate snap n gos! car seats ARE FOR CARS!
yesterday I had to yell at DH and turned the wheel while he drove because a lady placed her car seat on the ground in the parking lot behind her car while she struggled to unfold her stroller. we almos ran over the seat! I was terrified! OP get a carrier. it will be easier and safer for whoever is taking your child in the bus. |
Anonymous
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If your husband continues to defend what he did, then he's being "dippy" (in the words of another poster). However, if he realizes what he did wasn't a good idea (despite his intentions) then chalk it up to one f the first of many mistakes you'll both make as parents.
Now, onto the issue of marital discord after a baby: My baby is 5 mos old. We haven't had the stress some talk about, however I don't think it's uncommon. |
Anonymous
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I'd have to agree that neither of you should be leaving the baby alone. If I had to choose one, I would pick the husband's logic though. If that bus drove away with the baby, who knows how long the bus would go with your husband running behind it, hoping to catch your son.
Both of you should realize that you don't have the best commuting plan and fix it. If you make it a tit for tat thing, you are on your way to being the only one taking responsibility for parenting. That's fine if you prefer being right over being supported, but that's your choice. |
Anonymous
Oh, you know the only reason he's defending it is because how she's laying into him over it. Sure he feels bad. He wouldn't have mentioned it if (a) it didn't worry him and (b) he was not the honest type who owns up to his mistakes. |
Anonymous
| Thank God the driver stopped, your hubby got the baby safe and everything is ok. The bright side is that now your hubby has learned the hard way and will never do it again. Accidents happen and I am certain he did not do it on purpose. My husband has known such stupid things too. |