If you filed for a custody change how long did it take in MD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could ask for first refusal to have the kids if she's unable to watch them for work, etc. And if you're unavailable then she can get a babysitter.

She doesn’t notify me that she won’t be there, she just doesn’t show.

Keep a parenting journal and record everything so you have it ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could ask for first refusal to have the kids if she's unable to watch them for work, etc. And if you're unavailable then she can get a babysitter.

She doesn’t notify me that she won’t be there, she just doesn’t show.

Keep a parenting journal and record everything so you have it ready.

I do.

[Anonymous]

We Filed in Aug of 2023 and haven't even had a scheduling conference. We're looking at trial in Sept or Oct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we have 50/50 in terms of hours over the year, and I pay child support based on that, but my stbx skips a lot of parenting time, and relied on others to do the parenting, including my 10 year old.

They are supposed to stay with her and attend camp in her area for summer. I think for my older it will be ok but I don’t want my 10 year old being responsible for the little one.

It’s hard to understand your issue with your STBX. But people are right about the 50-50. You need to remember that the judge doesn’t care about you and the judge doesn’t love your kid. All the judge cares about is fostering a relationship with both parents and safety. The judge won’t care if you’re better parent or who makes the best childcare arrangements. It’s not like either parent is going to be with their kids 24-7 given that they likely will need to work. And childcare needs and plans will change frequently over the years so the custody decision takes into account that what happens now won’t be happening for the life of the court order.

The PPs who suggested doing what makes it easier on your kids and to find a flow are on target. Flexibility is also important. But don’t count on a judge to solve your problems. It’s up to you and your coparent to give your kids a good, happy and safe life.

[Anonymous]

I’m in Colorado but it took twenty five MONTHS to go to trial for a custody change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have 50/50 in terms of hours over the year, and I pay child support based on that, but my stbx skips a lot of parenting time, and relied on others to do the parenting, including my 10 year old.

They are supposed to stay with her and attend camp in her area for summer. I think for my older it will be ok but I don’t want my 10 year old being responsible for the little one.

It’s hard to understand your issue with your STBX. But people are right about the 50-50. You need to remember that the judge doesn’t care about you and the judge doesn’t love your kid. All the judge cares about is fostering a relationship with both parents and safety. The judge won’t care if you’re better parent or who makes the best childcare arrangements. It’s not like either parent is going to be with their kids 24-7 given that they likely will need to work. And childcare needs and plans will change frequently over the years so the custody decision takes into account that what happens now won’t be happening for the life of the court order.

The PPs who suggested doing what makes it easier on your kids and to find a flow are on target. Flexibility is also important. But don’t count on a judge to solve your problems. It’s up to you and your coparent to give your kids a good, happy and safe life.

When I say she skips parenting time, I mean she doesn’t show for school pick up, and I get called to get them. Right now, when they are close to my house it’s not a big deal, but if she puts them in camp near her house that’s a long wait for a two year old, plus obnoxious to the staff.

Yes, of course there are lots of great ways to make childcare plans and it doesn’t have to be the same, but “don’t show and let them call Dad” isn’t one of them and “let the 10 year old babysit” isn’t legal in her county.

[Anonymous]

I get it, you're paying your lazy ex-wife a lot of child support based on 50/50 and you resent that.

My advice is suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have 50/50 in terms of hours over the year, and I pay child support based on that, but my stbx skips a lot of parenting time, and relied on others to do the parenting, including my 10 year old.

They are supposed to stay with her and attend camp in her area for summer. I think for my older it will be ok but I don’t want my 10 year old being responsible for the little one.

It’s hard to understand your issue with your STBX. But people are right about the 50-50. You need to remember that the judge doesn’t care about you and the judge doesn’t love your kid. All the judge cares about is fostering a relationship with both parents and safety. The judge won’t care if you’re better parent or who makes the best childcare arrangements. It’s not like either parent is going to be with their kids 24-7 given that they likely will need to work. And childcare needs and plans will change frequently over the years so the custody decision takes into account that what happens now won’t be happening for the life of the court order.

The PPs who suggested doing what makes it easier on your kids and to find a flow are on target. Flexibility is also important. But don’t count on a judge to solve your problems. It’s up to you and your coparent to give your kids a good, happy and safe life.

When I say she skips parenting time, I mean she doesn’t show for school pick up, and I get called to get them. Right now, when they are close to my house it’s not a big deal, but if she puts them in camp near her house that’s a long wait for a two year old, plus obnoxious to the staff.

Yes, of course there are lots of great ways to make childcare plans and it doesn’t have to be the same, but “don’t show and let them call Dad” isn’t one of them and “let the 10 year old babysit” isn’t legal in her county.

I sympathize. I believe you. Most of us have seen this in our families. Unfortunately what we are telling you is a court is likely not going to consider it serious enough to modify custody, even once you get a hearing. It’s a very high bar. Like multiple arrests for substance abuse high, not inconvenienced the ex high. Maybe the camp will call the police after a few missed and then maybe you will have your outcome, but that’s really gonna suck for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have 50/50 in terms of hours over the year, and I pay child support based on that, but my stbx skips a lot of parenting time, and relied on others to do the parenting, including my 10 year old.

They are supposed to stay with her and attend camp in her area for summer. I think for my older it will be ok but I don’t want my 10 year old being responsible for the little one.

It’s hard to understand your issue with your STBX. But people are right about the 50-50. You need to remember that the judge doesn’t care about you and the judge doesn’t love your kid. All the judge cares about is fostering a relationship with both parents and safety. The judge won’t care if you’re better parent or who makes the best childcare arrangements. It’s not like either parent is going to be with their kids 24-7 given that they likely will need to work. And childcare needs and plans will change frequently over the years so the custody decision takes into account that what happens now won’t be happening for the life of the court order.

The PPs who suggested doing what makes it easier on your kids and to find a flow are on target. Flexibility is also important. But don’t count on a judge to solve your problems. It’s up to you and your coparent to give your kids a good, happy and safe life.

When I say she skips parenting time, I mean she doesn’t show for school pick up, and I get called to get them. Right now, when they are close to my house it’s not a big deal, but if she puts them in camp near her house that’s a long wait for a two year old, plus obnoxious to the staff.

Yes, of course there are lots of great ways to make childcare plans and it doesn’t have to be the same, but “don’t show and let them call Dad” isn’t one of them and “let the 10 year old babysit” isn’t legal in her county.

There are no camps for 2 year olds. It's day care. Be real, she isn't going to put them in a camp near her house as she'd have to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we have 50/50 in terms of hours over the year, and I pay child support based on that, but my stbx skips a lot of parenting time, and relied on others to do the parenting, including my 10 year old.

They are supposed to stay with her and attend camp in her area for summer. I think for my older it will be ok but I don’t want my 10 year old being responsible for the little one.

It’s hard to understand your issue with your STBX. But people are right about the 50-50. You need to remember that the judge doesn’t care about you and the judge doesn’t love your kid. All the judge cares about is fostering a relationship with both parents and safety. The judge won’t care if you’re better parent or who makes the best childcare arrangements. It’s not like either parent is going to be with their kids 24-7 given that they likely will need to work. And childcare needs and plans will change frequently over the years so the custody decision takes into account that what happens now won’t be happening for the life of the court order.

The PPs who suggested doing what makes it easier on your kids and to find a flow are on target. Flexibility is also important. But don’t count on a judge to solve your problems. It’s up to you and your coparent to give your kids a good, happy and safe life.

When I say she skips parenting time, I mean she doesn’t show for school pick up, and I get called to get them. Right now, when they are close to my house it’s not a big deal, but if she puts them in camp near her house that’s a long wait for a two year old, plus obnoxious to the staff.

Yes, of course there are lots of great ways to make childcare plans and it doesn’t have to be the same, but “don’t show and let them call Dad” isn’t one of them and “let the 10 year old babysit” isn’t legal in her county.

There are no camps for 2 year olds. It's day care. Be real, she isn't going to put them in a camp near her house as she'd have to pay for it.

No, our custody agreement says that we pay for the childcare, regardless of where it is, proportionally according to our income. So, I will in theory pay the majority of whatever summer program (camp, daycare, whatever you call it) she uses when she has them this summer. I say in theory because I paid the bill for his current program, to avoid being kicked out and have not yet received my portion in return. But I felt like I had to do it because I need him cared for so I can work.

If we do go back to court, I am hoping that we can work out some plan where I pay 100% of childcare and child support is adjusted to reflect that.

[Anonymous]

I've spent over 100K battling my ex in court over modifications to our agreement. To be clear, never to take time away, but to try and litigate him into actually being there as a parent... And you can't. You can't litigate them into being a good parent. The best you can do is be the rock for your kids, show up when you're called and do your best, all with a smile on your face. It sucks. It sucks worse for your kids.