celebrating kids' birthdays after divorce

Anonymous
How do you do it? Home celebration, as a family, or minus former spouse? Kid's party- both attend? What is your tradition? Good/bad?

Anonymous
The actual day is celebrated individually with whatever parent has the birthday that year (the other parent will just do something the next day they have the child).

Both parents attend birthday parties. I've hosted some at my house and some at a venue. I find it's fairly easy to ignore (not in a rude way) my ex because I'm busy doing other things. We split the costs for a venue or entertainment and if I host I usually ask him to order the pizza or pick up drinks.
Anonymous
In the beginning we did the "I will cook whatever you want for dinner" thing and ExDH was not there. He would show up for the birthday party and it would be tense and awkward. That lasted about a year.

Then it wasn't awkward at the parties. It took maybe 3 years before we decided to go out to dinner, and invite him. That was only mildly awkward, but well-hidden from the kids. Then the awkwardness faded.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:In the beginning we did the "I will cook whatever you want for dinner" thing and ExDH was not there. He would show up for the birthday party and it would be tense and awkward. That lasted about a year.

Then it wasn't awkward at the parties. It took maybe 3 years before we decided to go out to dinner, and invite him. That was only mildly awkward, but well-hidden from the kids. Then the awkwardness faded.


ok so time heals it sounds like. we had our family party and it was just sad for everyone when former spouse left the family home after cake and candles. good to hear you were able to hide adult issues from kids. i am not sure that were good at that.

Anonymous
Ex-DH and I have always celebrated DD's birthday together. (We separated when she was 6 months, divorced at 1.5, she is now 3.5). We've had dinner at one of our homes with cake for two of the years, and this year when out to dinner together to a place of her choosing. I've planned her birthday parties with his consultation (one at my house, one at his house, and one non-home party thus far) and we both attend her birthday parties. We have a pretty friendly relationship for a divorced couple, not having to live together did wonders for our relationship.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the beginning we did the "I will cook whatever you want for dinner" thing and ExDH was not there. He would show up for the birthday party and it would be tense and awkward. That lasted about a year.

Then it wasn't awkward at the parties. It took maybe 3 years before we decided to go out to dinner, and invite him. That was only mildly awkward, but well-hidden from the kids. Then the awkwardness faded.


ok so time heals it sounds like. we had our family party and it was just sad for everyone when former spouse left the family home after cake and candles. good to hear you were able to hide adult issues from kids. i am not sure that were good at that.


Well, we weren't bitter, there'd been no cheating. We just didn't mix well. We both have Italian tempers and it had gotten physical. We needed to be apart.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The actual day is celebrated individually with whatever parent has the birthday that year (the other parent will just do something the next day they have the child).

Both parents attend birthday parties. I've hosted some at my house and some at a venue. I find it's fairly easy to ignore (not in a rude way) my ex because I'm busy doing other things. We split the costs for a venue or entertainment and if I host I usually ask him to order the pizza or pick up drinks.


This is what we do, minus hosting at home. All parties are at a venue.
Anonymous
One parent, new partner with their side of the family and friends. Same with the other parent.

No need to be around exes, same goes for holidays. Not complicated at all with everyone's boundaries respected.
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