do you let friends stay at your second home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s truly amazing the number of old European aristocratic

I’m the OP. I’m not this at all and I live in the Midwest.

[Anonymous]

We do not. It's for our enjoyment, not an Airbnb

[Anonymous]

Not if they come and post on DCUM about it, we don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do not. It's for our enjoyment, not an Airbnb

I’m the Op. ours actually is both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ppl aren’t understanding the question I originally asked.
Why does this feel odd to me?! Like we’re being asked to give them something that has monetary value. I would never ask this of someone. I don’t know why. We’re pretty good friends.

I’m just so grateful that I am not such an ungenerous person. I would happily share my blessings with people I call my friends, and it would never occur to me to think of them as takers or gimmes or whatever you are thinking about your so-called friends right now.

The love of money truly is the root of all evil.

Grateful but ungodly pretentious.

Easy to say when you don't have a 2nd home. I have a friend who literally always asks for 2-3 weeks to stay and thinks bringing vegetables from their garden is a good gift. When they come to town and stay other places they don't even invite us to meet up with them. Feels very one sided when the only time we see them is when they are at our place and want to bring their whole family with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did before but don't do it anymore. Our beach house is not a rental so it is only used by us and a few times over the years by my parents. In the past we've let friends use it but it always ended up awkward - friends leaving food in the refrigerator so I would have to have our cleaners go deal with it or I would have to make the drive. Also, people started having an expectation that they could use it the same weeks every year. Finally, we just said no consistently until everyone has stopped asking.

That is just it, and exactly how you can tell one or two of the PP's do not actually have a rental house - because if they are so familiar and so "generous" - any little thing that is left behind, or not closed up properly, could end up being a big deal. We don't need to spell every possibility out for you - if you have a second home, you are supposedly already familiar.

Unless that second home is literally next door to your first home (and even then), then yes, it is time and money and travel and time off that the owner has to factor in, or you have to pay the caretaker to go in and make sure that (random thing that friend did not deem "important" enough, because lazy) is taken care of. Your benefit of using the house does not nearly offset our costs of you doing so - so there is no reason to take on the extra time, effort, expense, etc. The place has to have a professional clean - that is how we do things. Actually, the one person I know who would ask also has cleaners at their house, so they of all people should know. LOL.


+1. I will add on: Did people secure the outdoor furniture so it doesn't blow away into the water when the storms come. Did they remember to turn up or down the air so we don't get a huge bill. Did they make arrangements for the trash cans to be returned after pick up....etc..

You are not owed anything by anyone, and by the time you are a grown adult, especially one with a family, you should certainly know and abide by this simple fact of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you had planned to go with them and then backed out, but they still want to go- I’d let them. You already invited them there for the weekend, the gracious thing would be to tell them they should definitely go without you when you call them to say you can’t make it anymore

+100

Ask them to pay the cleaning fee, but don’t charge them rent.

People have reading comp issues. A trip was planned for a weekend several weeks ago, which was canceled due to bad weather.

Then, out of the blue they’re asking OP to just let them use the house for some weekend at a time OP is out of town.

I would just say “we actually just rented it for that weekend so it’s not available. Sorry!” And if they ask again, I’d tell them by phone or in-person, “but you’re not like a Renter, you’re our friend! We want to spend that time with you, and obviously we don’t want to like, Charge you, like you’re some Renter!” This gives them an opening to offer to pay rent so they can use it without you, at which point you refer them to the website to rent it officially, “just so we can have a record of when it was rented out” (thus availing yourself of the regular protections you have with renters). I’d also start inviting them out a little less frequently for a whole, so the house stops feeling quite as familiar to them, and they stop thinking of it as their own, however subconsciously. Make some changes too if you’ve wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you had planned to go with them and then backed out, but they still want to go- I’d let them. You already invited them there for the weekend, the gracious thing would be to tell them they should definitely go without you when you call them to say you can’t make it anymore

+100

Ask them to pay the cleaning fee, but don’t charge them rent.

People have reading comp issues. A trip was planned for a weekend several weeks ago, which was canceled due to bad weather.

Then, out of the blue they’re asking OP to just let them use the house for some weekend at a time OP is out of town.

I would just say “we actually just rented it for that weekend so it’s not available. Sorry!” And if they ask again, I’d tell them by phone or in-person, “but you’re not like a Renter, you’re our friend! We want to spend that time with you, and obviously we don’t want to like, Charge you, like you’re some Renter!” This gives them an opening to offer to pay rent so they can use it without you, at which point you refer them to the website to rent it officially, “just so we can have a record of when it was rented out” (thus availing yourself of the regular protections you have with renters). I’d also start inviting them out a little less frequently for a whole, so the house stops feeling quite as familiar to them, and they stop thinking of it as their own, however subconsciously. Make some changes too if you’ve wanted to.

Great advice thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ppl aren’t understanding the question I originally asked.
Why does this feel odd to me?! Like we’re being asked to give them something that has monetary value. I would never ask this of someone. I don’t know why. We’re pretty good friends.

I’m just so grateful that I am not such an ungenerous person. I would happily share my blessings with people I call my friends, and it would never occur to me to think of them as takers or gimmes or whatever you are thinking about your so-called friends right now.

The love of money truly is the root of all evil.

Grateful but ungodly pretentious.

Easy to say when you don't have a 2nd home. I have a friend who literally always asks for 2-3 weeks to stay and thinks bringing vegetables from their garden is a good gift. When they come to town and stay other places they don't even invite us to meet up with them. Feels very one sided when the only time we see them is when they are at our place and want to bring their whole family with them.

Hell no.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand now why people are quiet about 2nd homes. You never realize how many takers there are until you have one.

[Anonymous]

i haven't read the 17 pages of replies.

We own a second home at the beach and let friends stay there for free. I do ask for a few hundred bucks for utilities if they're staying for a week. (I don't like their stays to cost me money---we have 3 college kids and not a whole lot of spare cash.). We don't have a regular cleaner as we don't Airbnb the place so the understanding is that they'll also clean before leaving. We've been doing it like this for 8 years and so far no issues at all.

I'd rather have the house be used than to sit empty.

[Anonymous]

We have a second home that we don’t rent out. We have let a few people stay at it. They are ones who are pretty high strung and we knew they would take good care of it. More often, we invite people when we are going. It is kind of weird to have people stay there when we are not. It has all of our stuff and our kids have their rooms, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't rent our vacation house, but we love when friends or family can use it when we can't. We use a cleaning service after our own stays, and we tend to ask people to pay that...but it's a tiny fraction of what renting a house would be.

Maybe because we don't rent the place this doesn't seem like an imposition...but my parents have a place that'll they rent our, but they let friends and family use it for free.

For us and my parents, the properties are there for enjoyment and also are long term investments. 1-2 weeks of rent or a cleaning fee just doesn't change the math at all. But friends enjoying themselves? That gives me joy as well.

Previous poster again. I could have written this post as well!!
It gives me great joy to know that quite a few of our friends have enjoyed our house over the years and have made their own memories there. It's a happy place a few blocks from the ocean.

We feel very fortunate to have purchased it when we did. It was a lucky move the year after hurricane Sandy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't rent our vacation house, but we love when friends or family can use it when we can't. We use a cleaning service after our own stays, and we tend to ask people to pay that...but it's a tiny fraction of what renting a house would be.

Maybe because we don't rent the place this doesn't seem like an imposition...but my parents have a place that'll they rent our, but they let friends and family use it for free.

For us and my parents, the properties are there for enjoyment and also are long term investments. 1-2 weeks of rent or a cleaning fee just doesn't change the math at all. But friends enjoying themselves? That gives me joy as well.

Previous poster again. I could have written this post as well!!
It gives me great joy to know that quite a few of our friends have enjoyed our house over the years and have made their own memories there. It's a happy place a few blocks from the ocean.

We feel very fortunate to have purchased it when we did. It was a lucky move the year after hurricane Sandy.

Yes, it makes me ecstatic to give up a prime rental week, and not use it myself, for people who don't respect the place as their own and expect to use it every year for free. Here, let me move my things out for you so you can move in. Why don't you take the whole summer? On me! We can deliver groceries by hand, too. Let me know what you need. I especially love paying your cleaning fee. Because doormat. What else do you expect for free? By all means, name it! We didn't buy the house for us, we bought it for you. Everything is for you. When can we deliver the keys? So you want keys to all the house, or just one?

This thread takes the cake. Y'all think people are thinking about you, when they have their own families, and their own issues first and foremost, to tend to. GMAB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't rent our vacation house, but we love when friends or family can use it when we can't. We use a cleaning service after our own stays, and we tend to ask people to pay that...but it's a tiny fraction of what renting a house would be.

Maybe because we don't rent the place this doesn't seem like an imposition...but my parents have a place that'll they rent our, but they let friends and family use it for free.

For us and my parents, the properties are there for enjoyment and also are long term investments. 1-2 weeks of rent or a cleaning fee just doesn't change the math at all. But friends enjoying themselves? That gives me joy as well.

Previous poster again. I could have written this post as well!!
It gives me great joy to know that quite a few of our friends have enjoyed our house over the years and have made their own memories there. It's a happy place a few blocks from the ocean.

We feel very fortunate to have purchased it when we did. It was a lucky move the year after hurricane Sandy.

Yes, it makes me ecstatic to give up a prime rental week, and not use it myself, for people who don't respect the place as their own and expect to use it every year for free. Here, let me move my things out for you so you can move in. Why don't you take the whole summer? On me! We can deliver groceries by hand, too. Let me know what you need. I especially love paying your cleaning fee. Because doormat. What else do you expect for free? By all means, name it! We didn't buy the house for us, we bought it for you. Everything is for you. When can we deliver the keys? So you want keys to all the house, or just one?

This thread takes the cake. Y'all think people are thinking about you, when they have their own families, and their own issues first and foremost, to tend to. GMAB.

Huh. You don't get it, do you? We don't do this so others think about us. We do it because we care about our friends. More than once we've had friends stay there that (either known to us or unknown until after the fact) were going through a really hard time (financially or health wise).

When we're not using the house we don't Airbnb it. I'd much rather have it used vs. sitting empty. We're lucky if we're there a month across all summer weeks. In almost a decade we've never had friends leave deck furniture out, break things or otherwise not take of the property. We can control the thermostat remotely so we'll check to make sure the air is off when people leave. It's really not a big deal. Our lives are super busy. It this was a source of hassle or stress we wouldn't do it but it really has not been.