DH says his success is my success

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

NP. I seriously don’t understand why people always think it’s jealousy. My DH is a physician and he makes about $600k from his job and consulting on the side. I could easily stay home with the kids but I choose to work. I spent many years of my life getting a PhD in an area I’m passionate about and I enjoy working. I am truly not jealous of wealthy SAHMs. It’s not appealing to me at all.

Right, but OP is making this choice. Stay home or don’t. But complaining about lack of self actualization due to her own choices while living a life of luxury with supportive husband is cringe.

I think the problem is that OP isn't going to find a ton of people who feel like she does.
(1) There are people who want to work and so they do. They would say to OP, just go get a job again.
(2) There are people who don't want to work and hate that they do. They would say to OP, stop complaining, your life is amazing.
(3) There are people who don't want to work and so they don't. They would say to OP, not working is the best, you're crazy to want anything else.
(4) And there are going to be a few people who don't work but want to and they will understand.

Otherwise, you're just going to get annoyed responses from (1)s, jealous responses from (2)s, and insecure responses from (3)s. OP did get a few (4)s who said they understand, and then the rest of the pages is just idiots being pedantic.

That’s not even the point of this thread.

The question is… without OP would her H be less successful? Is she the reason he is successful? Does she get credit for his success.

The obvious answer is no, but some need to feel they are the reason their H is successful for their own ego.

It’s wildly bizarre.

Sure it was a nice little quip her H said but we lie to our spouses all the time… like when I tell my H he’s just as hot as ever.

Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home.

Doubtful

[Anonymous]

Yes. Each of your successes in each others.

You are a team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Each of your successes in each others.

You are a team.

Your H handled his pregnancy well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Each of your successes in each others.

You are a team.

Your H handled his pregnancy well

Yes, he managed the kitchen and younger kid well my third trimester, did more driving and grocery shopping and rearranged the kitchen in his own helter skelter way.
Team effort. Tag teaming.

[Anonymous]

"Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home."

So nobody is successful at his company who is single, has no children, has a wife who works and has children?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

I'm not jealous, and it is necessary. I know that from decades of experience advocating for women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations where the entire world was pulled out from under them when husband decided to trade younger or sexier or whatever stupid reason he had.

It's ignorant to suggest that a woman in 2024 shouldn't be concerned about knowing the finances of her household and marriage and have at least in the back of her mind a plan in place to take care of herself, and any children who are still minors or subject to education support.

Poster you seem to have the naive view that a woman can assume her husband is good and faithful and always will be. I've seen firsthand hundreds and hundreds of times how a man can go from loving husband to cruel philanderer who wants to strip his children and their mother of as much financial support as he can get away with.

Always be prepared.

How many of these victims were white women with graduate degrees, substantial house hold savings, and didn’t have their first child until they were married and over the age of 30? My guess is very few.

Ha ha!

Wrong.

Are you seriously not aware of the lucrative dissolution practices where lawyers focus full time on high income couples divorcing? The rate may be lower overall, but those folks DO divorce and the type of personalities involved and the amount of money to burn often means years-long high conflict divorces with huge billing to attorneys on all sides.

And yes, plenty of wealthy men control and beat their wives - sorry to burst elitist bubbles.

Yes and imagine how much more fulfilling one’s life would be with a career like THAT versus an adoring spouse who makes millions of dollars!!

Rather than waste you life enjoying your own family you could have the ultimate satisfaction of helping to destroy OTHER families for money!!!

I don't drive high conflict litigation, I advocate for abused women and children. I feel very satisfied with the work I've done over the years because it has substantially bettered people's lives at a time when they were very vulnerable and desperately in need of an ally - a time when their families had been destroyed by a cheating partner, or a partner with a raging substance use disorder, or a partner who had engaged in financial infidelity, and had done so while cruelly emotionally and/or physically abusing his wife and/or kids.

I didn't destroy families - I helped hurt people be safe and somewhat secure after a beast ripped through their lives.

Sure, you “helped” them by dragging on their divorce proceedings for YEARS to keep those huge attorney fees rolling in (your words).

LMAO at you trying to pretend you’re some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Get real.

You’re a moron.

I was an advocate for abused women and children - not a high conflict, high income divorce attorney.

I can be something else and still have the ability to observe what is going on in divorce courts.

Lots of savage divorces at all income levels and yes, because abuse happens at high income levels too, some of the women and children I advocated for came from a high income setting - at least until she woke up one day and found her accounts empty, her credit cards shut off and no way to support herself and her kids without acquiescing to his abusive demands.

You are the one who brought up high conflict divorce attorneys, which was the career path I referenced in the initial reply (that’s why it was bolded). Then you got incredibly defensive, implying that this was YOUR career path - but now you’re saying it’s not what you do, so why did you argue with the initial reply to begin with? Your reply to my reply was a complete non-sequitur, and yet you are calling ME a moron…

So many women on this thread can’t comprehend what they read or even follow along in conversations in which they are one of two or three total participants. If this is the energy and intelligence that you are bringing to your various high-powered careers then it is no wonder that our society continues to deteriorate.

I NEVER said I was a high conflict high income divorce attorney - I said right from the start that I was an advocate for abused women and children in divorce and domestic violence situations.

As for everything else you said - oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Congratulations. You don’t know what the verb “to imply” means, either. Seriously, you are REALLY struggling to keep up in this conversation. It’s kind of sad.

DP but it's high key hilarious that the person who said to a DV advocate "rich white women never experience DV or get hosed in divorce" decided that the DV advocate's response mentioning expensive divorce lawyers was the poster's roundabout way of declaring herself not a DV advocate but rather an expensive divorce lawyer . . . has no idea he's the one not following the thread well.

Incorrect. The initial response to the bolded was that expensive divorce lawyers destroy families, to which the DV advocate defensively responded that SHE doesn’t destroy families, implying that SHE is an expensive divorce lawyer… because otherwise why on Earth would she respond to defend HER career to a post that was not about HER career.

It’s low key not hilarious how illiterate some of you are.

Loud and wrong, and more ridiculous by the post. She literally said twice in the post that she was not a litigator but you can't read and think that makes you intuitive. Stay on brand, dude! Be louder and wronger in the next response.

You’re starting with the wrong post, idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home."

So nobody is successful at his company who is single, has no children, has a wife who works and has children?

That is not what I said. Some people are not capable of doing both jobs well. Some people can. That seems pretty objectively true to me. He might be one of those people who can attend to his home and rise up the corporate ladder. Not all people can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home."

So nobody is successful at his company who is single, has no children, has a wife who works and has children?

That is not what I said. Some people are not capable of doing both jobs well. Some people can. That seems pretty objectively true to me. He might be one of those people who can attend to his home and rise up the corporate ladder. Not all people can.

One of the people who CANNOT attend to home and rising up the ladder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you know where all the money is and how to access the accounts, and that you have access to sufficient funds to pay a very good lawyer up front should you ever are faced with your DH's idea of success has changed to include dumping the old for a new model.

This is so unnecessary, and your jealously is showing.

NP. I seriously don’t understand why people always think it’s jealousy. My DH is a physician and he makes about $600k from his job and consulting on the side. I could easily stay home with the kids but I choose to work. I spent many years of my life getting a PhD in an area I’m passionate about and I enjoy working. I am truly not jealous of wealthy SAHMs. It’s not appealing to me at all.

Right, but OP is making this choice. Stay home or don’t. But complaining about lack of self actualization due to her own choices while living a life of luxury with supportive husband is cringe.

I think the problem is that OP isn't going to find a ton of people who feel like she does.
(1) There are people who want to work and so they do. They would say to OP, just go get a job again.
(2) There are people who don't want to work and hate that they do. They would say to OP, stop complaining, your life is amazing.
(3) There are people who don't want to work and so they don't. They would say to OP, not working is the best, you're crazy to want anything else.
(4) And there are going to be a few people who don't work but want to and they will understand.

Otherwise, you're just going to get annoyed responses from (1)s, jealous responses from (2)s, and insecure responses from (3)s. OP did get a few (4)s who said they understand, and then the rest of the pages is just idiots being pedantic.

Right but as a 1, I don’t see the issue? If having a career is so important to the OP why not start working again?

You are correct that I find people like the OP annoying because she fails to take ownership for her past and present choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Each of your successes in each others.

You are a team.

Your H handled his pregnancy well

Yes, he managed the kitchen and younger kid well my third trimester, did more driving and grocery shopping and rearranged the kitchen in his own helter skelter way.
Team effort. Tag teaming.

You mean he ran the house, His house with his kids. He didn’t handle a pregnancy more than he handles chemo when you get cancer.

It’s amazing how women think men running their own house is going above and beyond.

Did more driving lol more not all of it just more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home."

So nobody is successful at his company who is single, has no children, has a wife who works and has children?

That is not what I said. Some people are not capable of doing both jobs well. Some people can. That seems pretty objectively true to me. He might be one of those people who can attend to his home and rise up the corporate ladder. Not all people can.

Sure, but everybody can hire a cleaner. It’s really not that hard. People who make a fraction of his income, have cleaners.

You’re telling me that if he had to Higher cleaner instead of having us stay at her mom, he would not have been able to advance in his career.

Y’all are twisting yourself in pretzels trying to prove you have something to do with somebody else’s success.

[Anonymous]

Cool humble brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home."

So nobody is successful at his company who is single, has no children, has a wife who works and has children?

That is not what I said. Some people are not capable of doing both jobs well. Some people can. That seems pretty objectively true to me. He might be one of those people who can attend to his home and rise up the corporate ladder. Not all people can.

Sure, but everybody can hire a cleaner. It’s really not that hard. People who make a fraction of his income, have cleaners.

You’re telling me that if he had to Higher cleaner instead of having us stay at her mom, he would not have been able to advance in his career.

Y’all are twisting yourself in pretzels trying to prove you have something to do with somebody else’s success.

A person with a fraction of his income hired a cleaner? Ok. Would he make a million per year while doing the daycare run?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually her husband may not have been capable of rising in the ranks if he had to attend his own children and home."

So nobody is successful at his company who is single, has no children, has a wife who works and has children?

That is not what I said. Some people are not capable of doing both jobs well. Some people can. That seems pretty objectively true to me. He might be one of those people who can attend to his home and rise up the corporate ladder. Not all people can.

Sure, but everybody can hire a cleaner. It’s really not that hard. People who make a fraction of his income, have cleaners.

You’re telling me that if he had to Higher cleaner instead of having us stay at her mom, he would not have been able to advance in his career.

Y’all are twisting yourself in pretzels trying to prove you have something to do with somebody else’s success.

A person with a fraction of his income hired a cleaner? Ok. Would he make a million per year while doing the daycare run?

Yes. He can. Daycares open very early. Plus he could have a nanny Who is much less of a burden than a wife.

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, I am in a similar situation like you: highly trained, mommy track, high-earning husband. Difference: my husband is far from appreciating my contribution (I do everything at home, he nothing), considers me a parasite, and tells me to ramp up my career.

You are blessed.